| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have just found out that i am pregnant and i don't know what to do. I have been going out with my bf for nearly a year and a half now things are going great between us and he has been very supportive about the pregnancy telling me it's my decision and he will stand by me no matter what. This would normally be great but the thing is i'm 15 and he's 16. I love him to bits and know he would make a brilliant father to our baby. If i have the baby he says he'll start looking for a job (after his exams are over in a few months) to support us. But this means that he will give up on his dream to become a doctor. I'm considering telling him that it's not his baby so he will keep on studying and follow his dream. Even though i couldn't bear losing him i want him to be happy. My dad and his mum will go mad when they find out. I don't know what to do for the best. Please Help.
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): Hi everyone thank you for all your advice. I thought i would let you know how things are now. While we were takling about the baby one night i told Declan that if he didn't want to stick around i would tell everybody that i was cheating on him and the baby wasn't his. He put his arms around me and wiped away my tears and told me there was 2 reasons why my "great plan" wouldn't work. No.1 was because he said nobody would believe i was cheating on him and the second reason was because he wanted to stick around to be with me and our baby. Once we sorted ourselves out we decided to tell our parents. We skipped school and we went to tell my mum. She cried, i cried, Declan wiped away my tears again. It felt good that someone else knew. Declan went to tell his dad and then his mum. His dad took the news pretty well but his mum didn't so we didn't hold out much hope for my dad. I went home that night on my own Declan wanted to come with me but i had to do it on my own. I couldn't look at my dad so i stared at the floor. I cried my eyes out and told him i was so sorry for letting him down. He hugged me, told me it was ok, i hadn't let him down and that he and mum were going to support me 100%. Declan's mum barely spoke to him for two weeks and i chickened out a couple of times of going to see her. She was cleaning his room last week when she found the picture of my scan and realized that whether she liked it or not i was having her first grandchild. His mum hugged him and said she was sorry for the way she had been acting. Declan still won't agree to go to med school. He is adamant that he is going to support me and the baby. We have reached a compromise that he is going to keep studying part time, which will do me for now. I am never going to let him forget his dream and i will make sure that he will go to med school and he will one day be a doctor. Thanks again to everyone.
A
female
reader, chearfullcharlie +, writes (28 January 2006):
 I bet your feeling really confused and crappy at the moment, but i think if you talk things over with him and tell him how you feel about him being a doctor but dont tell him the baby isnt his because you will lose him altogether. Its not just him that will be losing out it will be you as well..you aren't as close as he is from leaving school. It may look easy at times but its hard work. I think also you shoud definitely need to tell your parents about this they might be angrey at first but they would be more angrey if you lied. Its yours and his choice dont let anyone else make the decition for you. Good Look xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): Definitely don't tell him that the baby is not his - that will crush him and not help you at all.Tell him that you want him to go to med school and if he does in the long run he will be able to provide much better for a family than if he drops out of school now and works full time. He is much better working part time and studying than dropping out all together. There will be sacrifices in the mean time and if you are willing to make those sacrifices there is no reason that you can't be happy. This may mean you working part time to help ends meet for a while.I think you definitely need to tell your parents as well. They will find out eventually and you are best to tell them straight away and discuss the situation with you. They may be upset at first but they love you and they will ultimately want what is best for you. If you and your boyfriend explain the situation they may be able to offer you some help or support as well.Lying is not the answer, please tell the truth, be brave and tell your parents. Take care
...............................
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (12 January 2006):
 If you decide to have the baby, there are things you can both do to make life work without him giving up his dream. He can be a full time student and have a part time job, believe me it is done all the time. This will leave some slack that will need to be picked up ofcourse, and you will probably have to work as well. That means you will need reliable child care. It is not going to be easy no matter what you do, but the fact is having children and being an adult is never easy, you guys will be starting a bit early but you can do it. The main thing here is you need to decide if having the baby is what YOU want to do, regardless of anyone elses dreams or opinions, this is about YOU. Next you need to tell your parents, and finally when it is all said and done you and your boyfriend will have some tuff times ahead. Be strong and you will make it through this. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): It'd be completely immoral to tell him the baby's not his - you can't lie to someone about their own kid.
But you can tell him you won't let him give up his dream. Make him go to med school. Tell him you want to have the baby, and you want him to be involved, but only if he swears to you he'll go to med school. The two of you can find a way to make it work. My parents were broke for years when they started out, but they made it. You can too, if you always love each other and don't resent each other. Tell your bf you'll leave him immediately if he doesn't go to med school. He needs to study; there's no law that students can't have kids; it's just harder.
...............................
|
