A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have a 19 year old boyfriend who loves me a lot but i am only 14. my parents will be so angry with me if they find out. this is putting a lot of stress on me and it is affecting our relationship. should i end the relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (4 May 2009):
Why do you think your parents would be angry if they knew? Do you believe they have reasons to be worried?
I can understand why they would be worried. A 19 year old male is alot different to a 14 year old girl. For started he can legally have sex, drink etc (depending on where you live, not sure about the laws where you are). And you cant do those things. More then likely he will be expecting sex, and apart from it being illegal for you to have sex, if he has sex with a minor (you) then he could be charged with rape because legaly you are not of age to give consent. Even if you say yes, the law says you arent old enough to actually make that decision. So there are alot of bad things that could happen legally. But also, your emotional state... You may not be ready to have sex. And personally I beleive at your age you cant be. Its such a big decision and really needs time thinking about, I hope you do that. More importantly, you should talk about your relationship with some trusted adult. Maybe your parents, school counsellor/nurse, aunty, uncle, a friends parent etc. Just someone who you can talk to who isnt you age, as they will be more wise and have good advice.
I really think you should tell your parents because being in a relationship is such a big thing, especialy at your age, and with a guy who is much older. You will need their support. And eventually they will find out, so if you are up front and tell them, they are more likely to be more supportive and will see you as being more mature if you are honest with them. Tell them that you have a bf who is 19 and would like to date him. They will be worried, but if you try to compromise with them, and make agreements (such as no staying out later then such and such time) and promise to tell them if anything is right, and also talk to them about the relationship, let them in on it, dont keep all the details a secret, tell them what hes like, that way they will get to trust him more. And most importantly, let them meet him.
So in summary, tell your parents about him- they will have a more positive response if you do so. Be honest, let them meet him, tell them about him, and go to them for advice when you have r/ship problems, this way they will feel more safe. Remember your parents are there for you, to be supportive and guide you, so let them do this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much to all of you! im so glad i got some advice as i had nobody to talk to. Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): U r just 14 he is 19 really not good. If your parents get angry then they may put him in jail although you have not been physical. What I don't understand is he is 19 and a full grown man! Kind of odd! But you must be very mature mentally. If you care for each other then both of you should sit down and talk to your parents! I was 17 when I met my 24 year old ex husband my parents hated it but they got to know him and thought it was ok! Just tell them that you want to be with him and let him do some talking they need to know the real him. And be careful honey you're still a child and things can be difficult!
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A
female
reader, clueless2  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 well...if you guys REALLY love each other, the i would say no, however it would never be the brightest idea to go and have sex with him :/ im not saying ur going to,but just a reminder :D by the way...u should probably be planning on telling ur parents in the future if it does get more intimate :) hope this helped
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): your still growing and living your life.how do you fell about him?just becareful your still young good luck
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Nope, dont end it because you're scared of what other people think. A relationship is about the love you and your partner share and that should not include anyone else. I'm sure that if you're mature enough to be in the relationship then you're mature enough to discuss it with your parents in a calm and mature way!
They probably won't like the idea but you just need to explain to them that you're not going to have sex with him just because he's 5 years older than you. (You shouldn't be, It's illegal in most places)
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A
female
reader, bradley +, writes (28 April 2009):
 you are 14 and he is 19, well you have to think about it. you have a long life your still a young teen. i think you should live your life your still in school. if he loves you that much he can wait. i have a 12 and 13 year old girls and there still kids and you are to. good luck.
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