A
female
age
26-29,
*ust Some Girl
writes:I am 14 years old and I fell in love with a 17 year old boy. We met at school and we even kissed once. We are considering being together. I know my friend's views but I'd like to hear from people who aren't biased. He is about to turn 18, which might worry people. Is it bad? He's known to be a flirt, a ladies man which is also off putting. How do I tell him I am worried about what his needs may be, how I am not ready for that side of a relationship and how, due to the opinions of my friends and family, we ought to wait, even though I love him so much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Honey, I work at a university, and believe me, once he gets there he will be mixing with girls from all over the country who are 17,18, 19, 20 and older. I know you dont want to hear this, but he will not want to date a 14 year old girl when he could be going out with a woman. He is 17, nearly 18 and he will want to experiment, meet girls, have sex with them, drink, and socialise. The sexual temptation will be everywhere he looks. That is something you cannot give him. I doubt he would want to behave as he has a "14 yr old girlfriend back home" and to be frank, he would be ridiculed for even suggesting such a thing by his new boy mates. It is not cool for a guy at uni to be dating someone so young. Once you have experienced this yourself, you will realise how the rules change and how different it is from school. Its a whole new big wide world, and until you get into it, you have no concept of what it is all about. I think you need to move on and find a nice boy closer to your own age.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Eek you didnt say he was going to university.I would highly suggest you not dating him just now.I think you should wait like you say.Hes going to university so most likely hes going to drink,experiment and well do what people do when they go to university.you dont want to know! lets just say i experienced it.
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female
reader, Just Some Girl +, writes (23 July 2009):
Just Some Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank you all. I also took the time to talk to my best friend's older brother, who allowed me in a guy's head for a few moments. I guess you guys and him know what you're talking about.
As much as I don't want to I need to tell him I think he should focus on getting into Uni, me on studying. Our lives are too different to mix. He's doing what every 17 does at that age and soon, being 18 in less than a week, he can do even more. I don't want to hold him back.
He asked if we can meet just me and him very soon. Shall I just tell him now that I don't think we should get together, maybe in a few more years?
Please help, I don't know what I should say :(
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female
reader, Just Some Girl +, writes (23 July 2009):
Just Some Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank you all. I also took the time to talk to my best friend's older brother, who allowed me in a guy's head for a few moments. I guess you guys and him know what you're talking about.
As much as I don't want to I need to tell him I think he should focus on getting into Uni, me on studying. Our lives are too different to mix. He's doing what every 17 does at that age and soon, being 18 in less than a week, he can do even more. I don't want to hold him back.
He asked if we can meet just me and him very soon. Shall I just tell him now that I don't think we should get together, maybe in a few more years?
Please help, I don't know what I should say :(
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male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (23 July 2009):
This is easy - if he wants sex, sleep with him once and let your parents find out - he'll be charged with rape and sent to prison where he'll get more sex than he could ever want.SERIOUSLY! You're underage in 99.9% of the world - he's an "adult" legally and it's rape - pure and simple - at your age you have no voice.... you couldn't even testify at the trail...Take the advice here... be friends till you're legal - if he really likes you he'll wait- if all he really wants is in your pants he'll be gone...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This stuff is the whole reason that these age gaps are bad news.
He's a good guy so he tries to compromise and wait more, you try to compromise and go a little farther . . . and you still end up doing more than you really wanted to do even just meeting him in the middle.
The real answer is to date someone close enough in age so that you're not under these pressures.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): of course i have been on the opposite end so to speak but still on to you i feel that you should tell him your feeligns he should understand but if not then dump his sorry ass but just beacuse hes older does not mean hes a sex hound for all you know he may be thinking you want sex and is worrying about it too so just talk work it out if it fails and he just wants to bone you then get rid of him you dont need a guy like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Aww I was 14 when I met my boyfriend when he was 17 so I say one thing to you...listen to lovesgiraffes and make him wait until your 16 until you have sex.That way you`ll know he`s not using you for sex.I didnt worry about his needs as I was naive but that came apparent to me later so I really highly suggest making him wait until your 16.If you tell him that and you show him you mean business and not kidding you will know if he is serious about you as he will either dump you or be with you.
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reader, wherestheinstructions? +, writes (22 July 2009):
If he was 24 and you were 20 then it wouldn't matter.
But it does matter because you have said that you are not ready for a sexual relationship, and he may very well have other ideas.
This also means that you could find yourself in the position where he as an 18 year old man may be committing an offence by having sex with a minor.
Tell him you aren't ready for a sexual relationship - you have every right to do this as it's your body and your choice. Tell him in straightforward terms, don't hint - us guys don't understand subtelty too well.
See how long he sticks around once he realises you don't want sex - that will be the real test of how much he likes you.
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Hello Poster
I think you should listen to your family and friends. You are way to young for an 18 yr old boy. Regardless of if you love him or not. If he is a known ladies man, he will either want to have sex with you, or will go elsewhere to get it. You seem mature enough to understand that you are not ready, which I applaud you for, BUT you need to be strong. If he is 18, then he will probably be going to university soon, or getting a job, in which case, he will not want to be dating a 14 yr old. How cool would he look to be parading you around in front of his mates who all have sexy 18 yr old girlfriends? I know that is going to hurt you, but it is the honest truth. Once he turns 18, he will be an adult, so if you do have sex, technically he will be raping a minor - thus he could legally be prosecuted as a paedophile. If your parents saw fit - and if they did not approve they might, they could call the police on him, have him arrested and his life would be ruined forever. Is it really that hard to wait for a couple of years until you are 16? In a few months time, you probably will not feel this way about him. At your age crushes are easily mistaken for love. I know, I have been there. If the love continues between you for another 2 or 3 years, then make the next step.
Are you actually dating this guy? I know it seems like you love him, but one kiss does not make a relationship? Does he actually see you as a gf, or just some girl he kissed? Have you been on any dates? Been to the cinema, spent time on your own, just the two of you? Until you can honestly say that you are a solid couple, and have been together in a serious relationship for a while should you even consider having sex.
The growing that you go thru between 14 and 18 is massive, and until you have been thru it and hit 20 or 21, you do not realise how you have matured and changed.
Live your life, grow and enjoy being young. It only happens once. you have the rest of your life for boys, relationships and sex.
Take care
Tiger x
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reader, superbunny +, writes (22 July 2009):
 The first thing I always say in relationship problems is don't take into acocunt what other people think or feel, it's your decision.
If you're worrying about what he wants sexually already then I wouldn't go any further with it. If he's not as nice as he appears, and let's face it guys sometimes aren't, he may play on this vulnerable part of you to get what he wants.
You're obviously not sure about this so don't go ahead with it, simply for that reason. The age, to me, is irrelevant.
x x x x
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reader, loves_giraffes +, writes (22 July 2009):
well honestly i think that he may be a bit to old for you. but i am 17 and my boyfriend is almost 20 so for me to say that is unreasonable. but i think that you SHOULD wait before you have sex or anything like that. i made my oyfriend wait a year until i knew that he actually loved me and not just wanted a pice of me. haha. it is not bad if you have a relationship with him just save you innocence for the right time.
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