A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay. well i'm fourteen. and i really want a baby. i had a dream about it the other nite and i was so happy adn i was shopping for stuff liek a baby blanket and a nuk, and i was so happy i just kept holding my stomach. there is a few problems. one is i;m catholic and i cant have a baby until im married. and i am scared to peices even thinking about having marrital relations. i would never do that. but i want a baby so bad. even when i was little i would stay inside with my friends baby sister why the rest of my friends played outside. i think im ready to be a mom. its all i think about. i want a nice big family. but i haven't even kissed a boy. im so scared when i think about it. i dont know how long i can wait. in my dream the baby was put in me. it wasnt my baby persay. but i think about it alot. and i just get so happy when i think about it. i was looking in the mirror smiling and i looked over and saw the stuff i bought for her. it was priceless. what do i do? i cant have a baby. im 14 and a practicing catholic. i've even thought about leaving my faith for this. but then i realize its a chilidish thing to do and i should just wait. i've babysat a lil lil baby b4 so i know it isnt a walk in the park. the dirty diapers. the attiutdes they have. the crying. the not wanting to sleep. but it seems worth it
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Hey sweet,
Just thought I'd throw this in - I love babies too!! Love them love them love them... but I also love the thought of having babies when I'm good and ready - particularly financially stable and with a man who will make a great father and husband to me. But, to get over my pining for babies, I picked up babysitting (you get to play with them all day, make a little money and then go home afterwords and leave the hard parenting to someone else!) started making a little "Baby Box".
So, what I did was I got one of those big, plastic bins and I started to buy baby stuff. Clothes, toys, even diapers and bibs. I bought a journal and started writing little notes to my future born. ("Dear Baby, you are not born yet... but I can't wait until you are!! Now, I am fourteen. Someday you'll be fourteen, and here's some advice..." etc., etc.) I'm telling you, it really helped to settle the urge. And believe me, someday when you DO have a baby, you'll rediscover your baby box and be so happy that you made it.
Super glad that you know that the responsible thing to do is to wait... you'll make a great Mom when you're good and ready.
xx India
A
female
reader, emzy_lou  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Hay,
Im not catholic, but I had my baby when i was 16, i was with the father of the baby right up until the birth, we then split up.
I thought it was going to be easier than what it is, but it's hard work, very hard work. You've so many things to think about, like where you going to live, how are you going to support the baby finacialy?
3 years on and i love my child to bits, but sometimes wish that i'd had her when i'd had money saved, my own house and was in a stable relationship.
Your still a child yourself, enjoy it while it lasts and have fun.
There's plenty of time for babies in the future.x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2008):
Cool, glad we could help! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah. i understan more now. i didnt think that other ppl use to think the same way i do. i've always been a baby person. now that i think about it, a few years couldnt hurt. thanks for all the help!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2008):
At 14 I had the BEST sex dreams, everything would be perfect and lovely and amazing and he would say all the right things. I really thought it meant I was ready for sex.
I didn't do it till a few years later though and guess what? It was NOTHING like my dream.
Your dream means your hormones are kicking in and you are becoming a woman, it does not mean you are actually ready to ruin your body and give birth and be responsible for another person's every need 24 hours a day.
I firmly believe that a baby has the best start when it's parent's are in a long term committed relationship and are in a place where they can financially support it and give it the best start in life.
Anything else means you are being selfish and want it for you, not so the baby can be happy.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (29 July 2008):
Besides being Catholic you really need to consider MANY, MANY things. First, how are you going to finish school? Who is going to care for the baby? Who is going to pay for diapers, clothing, food,etc.? You have NO IDEA how hard it is to take care of a child. Sure they're cute and all, but you can't give put it down to sleep or just let it lie there and cry and cry. They need constant attention, to the point where you have NO time to take a shower, go to the bathroom or even eat! My sister was 33 when she had her first child and was beside herself. Please, do not have ANY children until you're much, much older.
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A
female
reader, DoodlePixie +, writes (29 July 2008):
I'm now 18 and have felt the same desire for a baby since i was about 14 or 15, but i've come to realise it's just hormones and your maternal instinct kicking in, most girls get it at some point. I've never tried to repress it as i feel it can then become an unhealthy obsession but instead i put all of my thoughts and feeling towards the future.
Instead of saying "i want a baby now" i think "how can i prepare myself now so that i am emotionally and financially secure for the future, so that once i am old enough i can settle down and pop as many babies as i want."
A child is a huge commitment - ask my friend who became a dad at 17, everything was a fairytale to begin with, but the baby was born 3 months premature and was in hospital for a long time with the prospect she may have died any moment. Also as soon as their daughter was released from hospital, my friend and his girlfriend did nothing but bicker and fight and within weeks broke up. They've now developed a routine but he now admits that every moment he is not with his daughter he is working in order to have the money to support her. Not much of a life for a teenager, huh?
I can't promise that these feelings will disappear, but you cannot allow yourself to just get pregnant because you want to - it'll be a decision that affects the next 18 years of your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): There's a sequence. First, you find a guy. Then, you get to know the guy. After, you learn to trust the guy and work out whatever issues are between you two. When you're both ready, you marry the guy. After all of this, THEN you have the baby. Its a long wait, and it can be really hard to live in the gamble that you may or may not find a guy who can be yours in the way he needs to be. But when you have a child, you want a man you can depend on to be there for both you and that child, and that's a bond that just can't build too fast. The good news is, when you're settled together, when your baby opens its eyes for the first time....if you've done your time to make sure everything is the way its supposed to be...it will be the most beautiful thing youve ever seen. Be patient...that beauty is something you do NOT want to give up. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): My sister was just like you too. She loves babies and always has ever since she was a little girl. Everytime we were at a family gathering or around friends, and there was a baby, she would always stay around the baby all the time instead of hanging out with the cousins and friends. Alot like you.
But as much as she likes babies, she always understood where her priorities were. And that's to be educated, intelligent, have a good career, have good friends and not rush into anything before she's genuinely ready for it.
And now she is 28 years old, has a fabulous job and a fabulous apartment in nyc, makes her own money, is completely independent, (has a wardrobe to die for), and is dating a really nice guy, no babies or marriage just yet. She had a great college life, she's travelled a bit, lived in a few cities, and she's still experiencing life and growing from it. The day she decides to have babies I know she will be a great mother cause she will have lots of wisdom, intelligence and lots of comforts to offer her children.
Alot of girls your age love babies and if you are anything like my sister you will always love babies. But you need to get your priorities straight. Having a baby should be the least of your worries. Your priority right now should be about YOU. You need to get good grades and get into a good college. That's it. You'll have plenty of time for babies later, when you are a more complete person with lots of experiences, comforts and wisdom to offer your child. And THAT'S the way you should be thinking.
If these feelings continue, I would have a chat with your mom, cause maybe you need a pep talk about your future and what direction you should want it to go.
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female
reader, jocshi23 +, writes (29 July 2008):
whoa...whoa..WHOA.
Hold on a second honey, trust me it's just a faze that you are going threw.I'm twenty-three and i got pregnant with my first kid at the age of 16 now I have three .I'm not married and my first baby's father is married to someone else and has another kid my second babys father is not with me and he has two other kids besides the two we have together. They wern't ready and ethier was I. If your really on here to get advice you probally would be best to listen to mine.I'm not saying that you are wrong for wanting a kid cause i did to at your age untill I had my first, I was alone in the hospital with this tiny little baby and i was scared. My family is always here for me since i had my kids but I really wish I wouldof waited. I love my kids but its not a game or fun to take care of a crying.poopie,sick or whatever kind of baby.please please i'm really serious at least wait to decide if you want kids after u graduate from highschool.Once you have a kid at a young age your kid days r gone trust I've seen with alot of my friends they wanted babies at a young aage just like you and when they got that they ethier decided they didn't want the baby or a family member had to take care of the baby untill my friend was 18 and from there she could decide if she wanted the baby or not. You'll miss out on soo much fun I'ts hard to drag a baby to go hang out with your friends(that don't have kids),or go on you first date, you'll miss out on so much and the reason that is because i\I did and if i could change i would .(but I do love my girls with all my heart).Please wait .Please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u so much !
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know im not ready for a teenager. or any of that. but the baby part is what i want so badly. its all i can think about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I'm not sure how to explain this, but let me tell you: I am 15 years old, and have felt this way. HOWEVER. Having a baby at this time in your life is the worst idea in the world. Just try and think about the longterm effects, that's what I did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Believe me... you think you are, but there are so many ways in which you are not ready. You can't comprehend.
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