A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm quite a messy person, but will make sure that it's only my room that I leave messy, and it's more cluttered than unhygenic.My dad on the other hand, when stressed likes to tidy, I'm sure he's got mild OCD, as even if something is pretty clean, and no-one is coming round, he'll spend all day cleaning it.However, more recently, my dad has come into my room, whilst I've been out(either at school, or shopping with my friends) and completely tipped my room upside down. Taking everything out of my drawers, and taking everything from the top of my desk (most of which was revision) and just dumping it in the hallway. I had done absolutely nothing to upset him, and he didn't think that there was anything wrong with his actions.THen on another occasion, he offered to move my computer around, and I said I liked it the way it was, and didn't really want to do it just yet. However, I come home from school today, to find that my room has, again been emptied into the hallway, with my computer been moved to a completely inconvenient place. He's rearranged my room completely around. I had a desk seperately for my revision, away from my computer so I didn't get distracted, yet he's moved the computer over to my desk, moved my bed around and put my hair and make up stuff in completely different places.I'm sure that he'll have chucked some stuff out, stuff that I may need for my impending exams, or just stuff that I wanted to keep.The thing that has made me angry the most, is the fact that he didn't even ask me, he just went and did it anyway.I feel like he has invaded my privacy, especially as I'm 14 years old, and like to have a space where I feel is just mine, and up till now it has always been my room.I'm so cross with him, yet I'm not quite sure how to go about discussing the matter. The first time he did it, I told him nicely, yet he didn't listen fully and I think he didn't even take note that I was frustrated with him.I want to make him notice me, and listen to me.Anyone got any opinions on how to approach the matter? I've got half a mind to make him move it all back to where it was, but is that immature?Reply soon pleasex
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 When my step-mom used to go through my things, she would tell me that it wasn't "my" room, that she and my father owned the house, and that she could go in there if she wanted. (She wasn't moving things around the way your father is, but she did know what was in the bottom of each of my drawers, and she never knocked before she came in.) I finally got through to her when I said, "If I were a GUEST in your home rather than your step-daughter, you would grant me the privilege of my privacy in your home."
That worked.
Your dad does seem to have some kind of OCD, so here's what you're going to have to do.
Organize everything the way you like it. Make sure everything is CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN and orderly (so that he has no complaints). Bring your dad into your room, and EXPLAIN your organization. ("This is here because I use it this way." "This goes here." etc.)
Then ask your dad WHY he reorganizes your stuff. He may have some reasons. If, for example, he's trying to make it so that he can check your computer usage better, for example, he has that right -- duty actually -- in this day to make sure no one is preying on you.
If it's because you left it "dirty" (by HIS definition, not by yours or any "normal" definition) and he got carried away, then you're going to have to clean your room in self defense. No matter how you keep the clutter down in other rooms, you'll have to rise to his level of cleanliness (even if it's psychotic) to keep him out of your room.
Then tell your dad that you would like to be treated at least as well as he'd treat a guest in his house (that is assuming he would grant a guest the privacy they deserve). You recognize that this is his house and that there are rules, but as long as you abide by his rules then he needs to respect your privacy and property.
Once you have your own place, you can let it get as cluttered as you want.
Good luck!!!
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