A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys it is my first time writing on this so here goes...Ive been seeing this guy for around 6 months now and its been very rocky... our personalities clash on so many levels but we cant help but feel what we do for each other... we recently said that we love each other and think that this is it... however when we first started talking he said a few things to me that I just cant seem to forget and they will always be in my head... he mentioned how perfect his ex was and wished it never ended with her.. she was a model and the only reason it didn't work out was as she was previously married and he didn't want that... he also said when he was younger he always wanted a trophy wife... and now he's older he has to compromise on looks... he also mentioned how his ex was always done up, hair/ nails/ looks etc and he loves that about a girl... other things like how his ex had a flat stomach and was into running blah blah... all of these things im not and nor will I ever be... so I cant seem to understand why he has compromised so much of what he "wants" to be with me who is the complete opposite of his "type." A part of me feels that he is just compromising for me as hes getting older and he knows I'm the wifey type/ mother of his children/ will look after him etc... I'm far from the pretty trophy wife he wanted/ wants so why settle... I have asked him before about this and he says im being silly and that hes grown up and theres more to it then just looks now... which makes me think hes not attracted to me... its getting me really down and im finding little things to argue about coz of it...Im not saying im not attractive, I would think I am and I do get a lot of attention however for him I feel he doesn't find me attractive and that I will never be his perfect trophy wife that hes always wanted... but he is simply settling for me due to him getting older and that id be a good wife and mother... I have no idea how to get rid of this feeling coz I do love him a lot....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): A better question you should be asking than "why would he settle for me", is why are YOU settling for HIM? Why are you settling for a guy who isn't that attracted to you?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 He is manipulating you into feeling insecure and competing with the ex for his affection and appreciation.
Now he may not have MEANT to do that, but whenever he bring up this FLAWLESS PERFECT ex, he is kind of telling YOU that you can't measure up because this woman was perfect, that he in fact IS setting for a younger wife, because if he can't get the ex.. .at least he can get himself a young one.
You ask why he is settling for you?
Because you ARE the WIFE material type. He already tried to date the "model" type and well, that didn't work out, so he is trying on the "wife-type" (you) instead. I think honestly, that he thinks you would be "easier" to deal with than the ex.
Constantly comparing you to her? I'd honestly walk away. Because he IS not OVER her. She may not be in his life, but she is the standard he compares all other women to (except maybe for his mother) and that isn't fair. I bet the ex never farted or had cramps or didn't feel in the mood (at least in his mind) - because he is SO busy making her even more perfect than she was in reality.
I know you say you love him, but these feeling won't go away, because HE keep bringing her up.
Also, a guy who compares you constantly to an ex is trying to make you "out-do" the ex, to try and be better then her. And it won't happen. ALL it will do is make you feel like YOU aren't good enough, when the matter of the fact is... you are competing with a fantasy character.
I'd let him go his merry way and find that trophy wife (doubt he will) that he thinks he deserves. And I would go find me a man who can appreciate, love and respect me for ME.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 He's running his mouth too much and although he's being honest he has no clue on the effect it has on you by comparing you to his ex. To let him know what he sounded like, it's like telling him you've had big dicks before but as far as relationships go they are useless so you are settling with small dicks since guys with small dicks will work harder to keep their women. Of course everything has exceptions. You can be beautiful inside and out, and pure too.
To say he's grown up is not entirely correct. If he's really considerate and has empathy he will learn that there are things you just don't say to your significant other. He also sounds like he's entitled to everything. I understand why these 6 months had been rocky. I would disagree that he's grown up as he said.
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