A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 2 years, married for a little over a year, and I've since lost weight and feel better than I have in a long time. We live with my father, and I am the only one working currently.My husband is from another country, been waiting a long time for his working papers (which he now has--he just hasn't found a job yet) and I know being home all day with my ill father has been a challenge for him. I have tried suggesting things he can do to stay busy or get out of the house but nothing is appealing enough to get him moving. He tries to help out around the house so I have less to do when I get home, but he's depressed and it shows in just about everything he does.Like many posts I've read here, my husband doesn't want to touch me or look at me, even when I'm naked. He WON'T touch me unless I initiate it with a back rub/scratch. I tell him all the time how attractive I find him, and I try to happily remind him that I'd like to be intimate with him whenever, but I've found recently that when he IS finally ready to be intimate, I lose interest and it takes a whole lot of effort on my part to become aroused.My husband has turned out to not be very romantic since we've gotten married, and I've asked him to try to be romantic, but our financial situation seems to have shut down his imagination. I've suggested cheap ways he could be romantic, but again, nothing appeals to him.I have recently switched jobs so I wouldn't be gone for 12 hours/day and could be closer to home and see him more frequently, but between taking care of my father and working, I know I have often been tired or frustrated. It feels like I don't know my husband very well, after having spent many months at the job 1.5 hours away from home, so I know this will take time.Just this morning, my husband and I woke up in good moods and were touching each other in very tender ways, but I just could not enjoy it to the point of being intimate, and I know that frustrated him. I was in tears that I could not show him, because how do I tell my husband that his wife who CONSTANTLY offers sex has some switch that just shuts off when HE wants to be intimate??This is all very frustrating, as I want to have intimacy in my relationship, I want to arouse my husband and be aroused for him, but I feel like there are so many "road blocks" trying to get there.CHEATING AND/OR DIVORCE ARE NOT OPTIONS FOR US. I don't believe in either, and neither does my husband. We just don't have money for counseling and I was hoping someone would have some positive advice to share.I appreciate any positive input! God bless you struggling souls and helpful spirits!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Hi I am so sorry you seem to be in a rut at the moment, But if you read back what you wrote you will find your answers. Its seems to me that he feels less of a man because he is not working, and if your both living with your ill father on top of this, it will have a stain on the best of marriages. If your always iniciating sex, then this wil have a reverse effect on you because you sound like you also feel a failure with your husband. When really you are both just exhausted from your daily lives. I would suggest that you dont have sex for a week, just touch eachother gently, being close to eachother, and even if you start to feel really aroused by this, dont go all the way. and by the end of the week, you will both be back in tune with eachother, and the love making will be out of this world. Also maybe his feeling that looking after your father while your at work, is too much for him, but dont want to tell you, as your working and dont need any more stress? could you help him look for work at the weekends? also you dont say weather you both go out alone dating anymore? if his at home all day, and your working all day and come home tired, and your fathers illness, when do you find the time for eachother? dating is not only for the singles, its for the married too, to keep things alive. I truly hope you can both work this out together.I hope this has helped
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