A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend went out to eat lunch with his ex girlfriend two day after my birthday and didn't tell me. I found out because I was using his phone because my friend and I were texting on his phone and I came across the text from her saying, "I can't wait to see you tomorrow xoxoxo." (and believe me we honestly do NOT have one of those relationships where we snooop through each others phones and emails. I honestly never look through his stuff, but my cell phone is a piece of crap, so he always tells me to use his) Any way,I was crushed, so when I asked him about this he told me that she is the producer for a company he does work with and she is the only ex girlfriend he is still friends with. He also told me that he plans on spending the rest of his life with me and he also plans on her remaining her friend. He also told me that he has never cheated on anyone and "quite frankly I don't want to go to Heaven one day and have to explain myself to God." he said. Him remaining friends with his ex, is this something I need to get over and simply face the fact that I am going to have to deal with this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Thanks you two for your advice. I really appreciate it!
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Hi,
If he had anything to hide he wouldnt have let you have the use of his phone. It is possible to stay friends with an Ex, and have no emotional atatchment.
I think if I were you I would trust him. When she settles down with someone it wont be an issue to you both anyway. Just tell him that you would like to go along if she wants to meet up again. Then you will see for yourself that you have nothing to worry about.
Im sure it will be OK.
XX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): This is not an easy one, but why didnt he tell you about it before the event? Why didnt he let you know that he had been for lunch with his ex, he wouldnt forget about it, surely??!! You need to have a chat with him and tell him that you are not bothered about things like this, ie, him keeping in touch with his ex if he has to (due to work), but no more than. He has to be open and honest with you and not sly and sneaky!! Or you will think that something is going on. The fact that he said he was looking forward to it, would of gutted me. If you have read my answers in the past you will quite gather that i HATE exs, they have been the bloody bain of my life. Still are to a small extent.
When i met my second partner, they had a boy, aged 6 together and she only lived 200 yards away (i dont know how i came through it now, looking back) He used to go there every day to see to their dog and to see his son. I was calm and collect. I made a decision. I made friends with her from day one. I knew how close he was to his son, and rocking the boat would of made things worse. Even now, years later after we have split up, i am friends with her and me and him dont speak. Funny old world, aint it??
Try and put it all into prospective and dont dwell on the minor things. Keep in touch if you want.
take care
xx
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