A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I separated from my husband 2 yrs ago after being in a dead realtionship for a number of yrs. Right now I'm saving up to file for divorce, while giving my spouse time to adjust to life without me. Last year I met a wonderful man, a few years older than me. He has three 20-something kids, two he still supports while they attend college, and one that's married with 3 kids of her own. He's fun, interesting, intelligent, sexy and enjoyable to be with. We have been inseperable and have fallen in love with each other. I love his kids, his friends, his pets and his family, but I am scared to death of being hurt. While my marriage was dead emotionally for me, it was stable - meaning my spouse would've never cheated on me. This new man has female friendships, is friends will all his ex's, and travels quite a bit for his job. He's exotic looking, so he attracts attention where ever we go, and his outgoing, friendly nature, sometimes causes women to flirt with him, even when I'm there. I know it's probably harmless but when he's out of town, I wonder if he'd take it further?These are all dynamics I never had to deal with in my marriage. He says he loves me and wants us to have a future together after my divorce is final so I don't want my fears to stand in the way, but I keep feeling like it's just a matter of time before he gets bored with me, or meets someone prettier, sexier, or better suited to his dynamic personality. I know I'm being insecure because I've been out of the dating loop for so long but also because he seems like he's way out of my league. I am so scared at times that I've actually considered going back to my dead-end marriage simply because I'm afraid I'll lose him to someone else. Most of the time I try to suffocate these feelings because he's always very re-assuring and loving towards me, I don't know why I'm so paranoid. What should I do?
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cheated on me, divorce, flirt, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 I don't see how you can expect a man that you are cheating with while you're married won't assume that it's an o.k. thing to do. Enjoy each other, but until you are divorced, I think you're doing one thing and saying another. Never go back to a dead end relationship. Get a divorce first, and then decide if this is the right guy for you. If you want to get married then go for it. Live life and be happy, it's too short not to.
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (26 July 2007):
 First...you need to take a deep breath and just breathe for a minute..I think your moving to fast. How about dealing with ONE thing first...your still married. IF you are truly in a dead end relationship, tried and it didn't work and your not in love with your husband, then I would move on. Settle THAT in your head first and don't be thinking back and forth because you are. (at least I know it's a stable relationship because he'd never cheat) Question is are you happy, does he make you happy? If not, which it sounds like it's not, you need to get the divorce out of the way. Next, you met someone new and he makes you happy and you have a wonderful time together..GREAT..but don't move so fast, why are you so worried about "hooking" up with someone immediately. Are you afraid to live by yourself or what? Take it slow and really get to know him better then. There is no guarentee in any relationship and just because he does have a lot of female friends, etc...does not mean he is a player or a cheater..he's just secure with himself and seems to be a friendly man. Now, if you know of his past something you are not sharing, then thoughts could change here..like did he have tons of women he was dating while he was married? Worried if he would cheat with you..that depends if he really is in love with you and if he honors and respects you, then he wouldn't...period! You seem to be so worried about the "what if's"...look at it like this, you keep your man happy, however that may be. Communicate well, listen to what each other say and pay attention, respect, love, honor and trust each other. When you do this everyday, give a hug and a kiss and be there for each other and make love to each other like it was the last day...he would never want to leave a good thing. It sounds to me you need to take it slow, and do ONE thing at a time. I say this because you "sound" like your confused and I think it's because you just got to much going and it's made you a wreck. Stop worrying about "him" for right now, worry about yourself and what you want to do...and it sounds like you just want to be happy. So get started on that. THEN, if you still want to pursue a relationship or keep seeing this other guy fine...and if he is not THE one, there are other men...and STOP being so insecure! Something attracted him to you, right? Be yourself and be happy...that is what counts the most.
Good Luck...
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