A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How would you respond if your son/daughter came home and told you they either got or is pregnant? And I mean out of wedlock, at a young age. Around 16-18 years old. Last week, my mom told me she would be dissapointed in me, but supportive. It got me thinking, how would others respond? Oh an I'm not sure if its a factor on why they feel this way, but my parents lost two kids. One died a month after birth, the other was a miscarriage. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): i'd be a little disappointed because its a big responcibility for such a young age ... babies change your life FOREVER and i'd want my son to expereience more of life before he creates life.
On the other hand babies are really loveable and bring such joy, so i'd be happy for him because though his life has taken a detour, it doesn't mean his life is over. Plus, family important so i would never turn my nose up at another member joining our little clan :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2011):
 To the anonymous 14 yr old: YOU are very wise and mature for 14. Sounds to me like you've put good thought into being responsible. I would be proud to call you my child.
When my stepdaughter was 15 she was brave enough to come to me and ask for BCP and since she was with a boy that she believed she loved I gladly took her to the doctor and paid for her pills. Of course I had told her from the first day she got her period that we would do this when she was ready.
FWIW everyone in her dad's family says I am the ONLY reason she didn't get pregnant at 16 and drop out of school.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_very_confused, thank you for answering. Just to clarify I don't want to have a baby at all right now. I know 14 year olds aren't meant to have children, I'm just saying if I did get pregnant I couldn't do it. Its part of the reason that I'm not allowing myself to have sex until I am out of high school, on birth control, in a long term relationship, and I have to love the guy. Hopefully I follow through with the plan...i don't know what'll happen in the next 4 years. I plan on getting on birth control around 16 years old because you never know what can happen in the heat of the moment. I hope everything turns out well for your son.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 If I was her mother, I would feel very disappointed, angry, hurt, ashamed and to be honest a total failure as a mother.
I think all parents want the best for their children, and to see their underage child throw away their life by getting pregnant at a young age is probably the worst form of failure. When you have a child you want the best possible life for them, so to have them throw it back in your face, not caring, irresponsible, with a who gives a F* attitude, would make me wonder what the point of it all was.
Children do not understand what being a parent is about.
When a teenager gets pregnant, someone will always have to give up something, someone always suffers.
It is either the teen mother (lack of education, lack of career prospects, lack of money. No future.)
The teen father, if he is brave will stick around, if not will run away very fast.
The (grand)parents having to pay for the baby, or in extreme cases raise the baby FOR their own child. - this may result in financial difficulty and loss of jobs/freedom for their childs mistake. They do this because they have to and want the best for their grandchild, because of DUTY. It isnt fair.
Ultimately, the baby (who didnt ask to be born) will always suffer, due to an irreponsible parents, the teen mum may resent the child for missing out on growing up. Without serious financial aid from family, the child could grow up in poverty.
If a child isnt responsible enough to use contraception, then they are not responsible enough to raise a child.
So many teenagers think they can do whatever they want and parents will bail them out. They have to learn that actions have consequences. It is so sad that many do not take responsibility for their mistakes. It is a sad fact many teenage girls have multiple abortions now. Because they dont/wont use contraception.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-a-good-idea-to-get-pregnant.html
Read this, as it shows why teenagers should not be allowed to make rash irresponsible decisions about having babies. They do not see the bigger picture.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2011):
14 year old bodies are NOT designed to support the growing teen and a growing healthy baby. 14 year old minds are not capable of properly processing all the things that go on hormonally and mentally with a pregnancy. FOURTEEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN ARE NOT MEANT TO BE HAVING BABIES.
Of course, I never had to face this since my children were taught that you did NOT have babies till you were MARRIED and by the time they were old enough to realize that being maried was not part of getting pregnant they had assimilated my personal beliefs as their own.
As for having the RIGHTS to my under 18 yr old child's body. I do. I have an emotionally disabled adult child. When he was 17 his father, stepmother and I had a very very VERY long and hard debate as to whether or not we were going to sterilize him. We legally had the right to do so without any court intervention until he was 18. To do so now that he's 27 would require court intervention. To be honest since part of his issue is impulse control we are to this day very sorry we did not do it when it was an easy fix. NOW we have to worry about STDs and unwanted babies with girls who are often also emotionally disabled.
I am very pro choice FOR ADULTS....
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow...mandatory abortion? With all due repect So_very_confused, may I ask why you would feel this way? I am just wondering because as a 14 year old, I could never in a million years get an abortion. Its not a religious thing, but i could never do that. I don't have a problem with others doing it, but I couldn't do it myself and I would definitly go against my mother if she said I must have an abortion.Also, a quick question, what would you rather have your child do? Abortion, adoption or keep it? I know its their choice, but what would you prefer? Thanks.
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male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (29 September 2011):
I would try to keep in mind that there are worse things that can happen. Death, serious illness or injury --- those are way worse problems.
Yes I'd be disappointed. And if she were under 16, I wouldn't offer the option of keeping it, because I'm not interested in raising any more children and that would be the real outcome. If my son was a father, I'd insist that he take responsibility.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 I also need to add that 16 is the age of consent here in Norway. It'd be a completely different matter if they are under 16. That'd involve higher authorities.
Oh, and I'm personally against abortion. I wouldn't encourage an abortion if they are 16+. But it's their choice. However the situation changes if they are underage, abortion might be the better option then, even in my eyes.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 September 2011):
All completely theoretically as I don't have kids:
It depends on whether or not they are over or under 18. At 18 you are legally an adult, and strictly speaking, not my responsibility any longer.
I see this entirely as a financial problem, really. Aside from the financial aspect of things, and of course the logistics of how to organize everything, I'd be happy to become a grandparent. However I'd want what is best for my own child and grandchild. I'd want my own child to manage being financially independent, without that meaning my grandchild would have to suffer. I'd try to help out where I could so that my child will be financially independent from me. If they are over 18 then they already should have the means to be financially independent, such as finished with high school (I'd support that) and getting a job. After 18 they'd have to manage pretty much on their own. Before 18 I'd do what I'd need to do as a mother to my child, as they are still my responsibility, but I'd encourage financial independence even then, and work towards that.
It's money and logistics as far as I am concerned, and those are practical, factual matters. I'd help solve those practical matters with guidance, and then aside from that I'd be happy about becoming a grandmother.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2011):
Basically the same thing... tears and disappointment but unconditional love for my child.
oh and if under 16.. mandatory abortion.
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