A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years and we've been having sex for the last four years (we waited a few months). Usually we have a very active, very experimental, very fun sex life. We both enjoy trying new things, and there have been stretches of time when we have had sex 3-4 times a day.But for the last few weeks our sex life has really diminished. We spend a lot of time cuddling, caressing one another, and sometimes making out, but we haven't actually had sex in like... two weeks. And he hasn't been interested in getting a blowjob (which usually I give to him 5-6 times a week since he's a BJ fiend). I asked him if he was disatisfied or sexually frustrated because of the lack of action but he said no, that he's really happy, that it's not all about sex. See... it's just like we're in a rut- we have time for sex and we are getting along really well and everything seems fine but neither one of us are initiating it. I'm not getting too sexually frustrated yet (that's what my vibrator is for after all) but I am worried that he might be because you know... how guys are- sex machines! Guys need lots of sex and I'm worried that if he's not getting it from me he might go and seek it somewhere else? He told me that this was not the case... but obviously he'd never admit it to me... so, I'd like a guys perspective.If you were unsatisifed with your sex life, would you speak up? Or would you just get it elsewhere? Or is there a chance that he really is happy with the way things are?Thanks a lotx
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female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (23 September 2008):
 He's been with you 4.5 years - if he was at all frustrated at the lack of action, don't you think he'd try and initiate something with you before he decided to get it somewhere else?
If you are getting along well, you are happy, and there is still plenty of kissing and cuddling, I really doubt you have much to worry about. As your boyfriend has said, it isn't all about sex, so if this quiet period isn't affecting the stability and happiness of your relationship, you're probably OK.
You mentioned there have been extremely active periods where you'll go three or four times a day, so perhaps this inactive period is just the other side of that. We all have our ups and downs.
And if it's worrying you, then why not go ahead and initiate something? Instead of busting out the vibrator when you're in the mood, bust out some sexy knickers and the whipped cream... =)
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