A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. If you asked your boyfriend if they had been seeing someone else (because you had a feeling they had been) and they didn't answer you, would you presume they had been?My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 1/2 years. He had been working so hard in an attempt to quickly save enough for us to move in together that I hardly ever saw him, so basically I think we were already drifting apart anyway. However, he started blowing me out at the last minute when I tried to make arrangements to see him saying that he had to work, which may or may not have been true. It just made me feel that something was very amiss but he would not explain what.Anyway, not long before we split up he started bombarding with messages (nice ones!) as if he wanted to get things back on track. He asked me what was happening about us and I replied that I didn't think he wanted to see me anymore as we hadn't seen each other in 3 months (long distance relationship you see and he had blown me out several times due to work). I asked him what he thought and I was totally thrown when he replied he didn't think things were working out between us really. I had fully expected him to want to talk things through. Why was he sending me so many messages if he wanted us to split up? It just doesn't make any sense. At the end of the relationship (I didn't realise then that it was the end of our relationship), I asked him if he had been seeing someone else and I simply never heard from him again! He cut me off dead and I haven't never seen or heard from him since. I know it's irrelevant now, but I think hearing from a man's perspective and/or any amateur psychologists if you think I'm right (or otherwise) would help me to move on.I am trying to move on and I am getting out and meeting new men, but four months later I still feel so confused about it all and like I am in limbo.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): It means he didn't have enough respect for you to text back and give you answer. Clearly this was an important question, its not as if you asked him if he had a spare cup of sugar. YOu asked him if he was seeing someone. He should have replied with either a yes or a no. The fact that he did not answer does not suggest anything. He might have been seeing someone and when you asked decided that the best thing to do would not be to contact you again. On the other hand, he could have been faithful but once you text him the question he could have been insulted to the point of not texting back. It really doesn't matter what the answer was. His actions alone give you all the answers you need. A real boyfriend, one that cared about you and had respect would not have cut off all contact in this manner. Whether he cheated or not is not in question here, its the fact that he did not have the respect or courage to tell you the relationship was over. Get over this man and move on.
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