A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well theres this guy and he has just turned 20 wheras im 16. Anyway I've known him for ages through family but we didnt really talk much, I usually hung out with his younger brothers. Anyway it was exams this year and he tutored me and hes a great guy! It became clear to me he was interessted, but at the time I was hung up over this other guy, and I told him this and we left it at that. Anyway we carryed on talking and as time passed I was over the other guy, but this one kept making a play for me, but in a nice way, hes really lovely! And hes so generous. Anyway I think I might like him... the thing is hes slept with 8 other girls... and thats not a problem or anything, I just wonder if we went out would he expect sex straight away? Because im not ready for that. Im not at all worried about him cheating, god no, his past relationships have been long term and I know he wouldnt do that, I just wonder if he knows that im not immediatly up for it. I've never told him im a virgin, hes never asked really...I'm not sure what to do, if I go out with him I dont want him to think im fridgid or whatnot. Do you think hes too old? Because we get on great...
View related questions:
frigid Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): If he was 16 would you be going through all this right now?
This is why age is really more than just a number.
A
female
reader, katt-x- +, writes (21 August 2009):
 I think that the main thing you have to remember is if he truely loves you and respects you, you will be able to tell him you are not ready, and he will happily wait for you. Even if he does want sex, if he waits for you, you know he is a truely decent guy
Good Luck with the future
x
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 August 2009):
 I think if he has any respect for you, then it wont matter in the slightest if you take your time and wait a while. You are much younger than he is, and to force you into sex straight away would make him a player and not worth your time anyway. I think if he is the type of guy you think he is, then he would be prepared to wait, although I think there may be other issues which you have to consider.
Age is a funny business when you are dating. When you are older, an age gap doesnt matter. 2,3,4 years is nothing when you are mid twenties or thirties. But at 16, 4 years is a massive difference, as you grow so much between the ages of 16 - 21 as a person, emotionally and physically. The person you are now, will bear no resemblance to the person you will be when you are his age. Also this age difference will cause issues if you did go out. He is legally an adult. You are technically, in the eyes of the law, a minor. Yes you are legal with regards to sex, but alcohol, driving, voting - you are still a child.
If you dated - you could not go out to pubs/clubs because you either wouldnt be allowed in, or you wouldnt be able to drink. This would have to make you far more imaginative with your dates. If he went out with his mates to one of these places, you couldnt go - for the same reasons, so you would miss out on being included in that side of his life. You would resent him for going out without you, and he would resent you because you couldnt go. Is he at university, meaning he is away for long periods of time? Could you deal with that? Would he be bothered about having a much younger girlfriend back home? He is far more experienced than you in relationships and the way of the world, and will expect and conduct himself very differently when in a relationship compared to you. Now I know this doesnt always matter, but usually this difference in exprience can cause many troubles later on down the line.
I think that although you do get on really well, which is great, I think you should probably keep this as friends. If after a couple more years you still feel the same about each other, then yes go for it. But at the moment I think you are both on very different paths of development, and will want very different things out of a relationship. I wouldnt want to see you get hurt.
Good Luck
Tiger x
...............................
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 I know when you are younger it's hard to talk about certain things, but if you two are actually dating and have an established relationship, this is a conversation you need to have with him. Communication is so important in all relationships, so pick a time when you two are talking about more serious things and tell him. Say something like, "I'm sure you've noticed that I'm younger than you are and that means that I'm not as experienced as you are with a lot of things. I'm definitely not as sexually experienced as you are and we may have different ideas of when is the right time to have sex. I'm a virgin, so I am planning on waiting for x amount of time. Is this something you are ok with and could respect?"This is definitely something where it's important for you to find out early before you are too attached to him. Wouldn't it be awful to find out that he a sexual relationship with you and couldn't respect your feelings when you were already quite attached to him?You are young, so communicating in relationships is new to you, but it's absolutely something you will be practicing and learning in each relationship you have. It really is the key to making any relationship in your life work whether romantic or otherwise and the more you do it the easier it will get. :-)I hope this helps you and you find much happiness.
...............................
|
