A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This will be a bit long, but please bare with me. I've known this guy "D" for about 6 yrs. We met when I was 16 and he was 20. We dated for a couple months but then I started dating someone else so we stopped talking. But for the past 6 yrs I've always gone back to him, idk why but it's like I'm addicted to him. He is very attractive and he is French, which makes him so sexy to me. Anyways, I recently broke up with my bf so D and I started talking again. And he told me he wanted something serious and was tired of all the games these past years. The thing is I'm afraid to get serious with him because of the way he used to be a still is. He is just so confusing. He's told me he loves me before and I've never said it back to him. Because I just can't believe him. He's done a lot to me, for example, he'll make plans and then flake. Or once, recently, we made plans to meet at a club. And I called him and texted that I was on my way and he never responded. That is until I texted him that I wanted to hookup he texted right away. So after this I told him I didn't want to talk to him cuz clearly he was still playing games. But he begged me and apologized and said it wouldn't happen. Im still talking to him but I haven't made plans with him since. I told him that if he was serious about a relationship we had to take it slow, like start dating first, but he still hasn't invited me out. Now not to defend him or make it seem like its ok but he's been a player forever. Now that he is 26 he says he's ready to settle down but obviously still doesn't. Now my question.. Do you guys think the reason he can't settle is cuz it takes time? Or am I just making excuses? I really like him but I'm afraid to get hurt by him. Before when he would flake on plans or was seeing other ppl I didn't care cuz I was doing it too. But now if we get serious how will I know he wouldn't do bad things? Thank you guys and I will respond any questions if you have any.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Why even asking why ? does it matter ?...
Maybe he is mentally disturbed, maybe he's on drugs, maybe he's an alien coming from another planet where this is the normal courtship ritual. Why do you care. All you should care , is : do you like him acting this way ? Does this make you happy ? Are you going to accept this kind of behaviour ?
No ?... Then ditch him. Stop contacting him and stop answering when he contacts you . Problem solved.
You told him that if this time he's serious about you, now he has to take it slow and start dating you properly. Has he done it yet ? Heck no. There you go, you have your answer about the seriousness of his intentions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy though? Why do guys do this?
We have had sex plenty of times before and through out. And like I said, he is very handsome. Im sure he can find hookups. I just don't understand why he keeps going after me and then once we start talking again he acts up.
I understand that guys that tell girls they love them to get them in bed. But we were already sleeping together when he told me that.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 March 2012):
 The reason he "can't settle" is because NO GUY WANTS TO SETTLE!!!!..... and find that there might be a more-enticing girl right around the corner!!!!
WE (men) just LOVE to chase after women... in hopes that they will satisfy our carnal needs.... After which, we are quick to cast them aside and go off and look for our next conquest....
The pattern that you've described in your submittal is SO CLICHE that, I swear, I could type your note with the lights off, a blindfold on, and one arm tied behind my back...
MY response is as-always.... Decide if you want to be the toy of a player, and: If you do, then proceed in whatever way you (and, more-importantly, HE) wish.... OR, decide that you have some morals/scruples/self-respect and GET OUT!!!! NOW!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Sweetie... do not listen to his words. LISTEN to his ACTIONS.
The reason he can't settle is because he's just not that into you.
A man will fool around till he falls in love and then he will settle down...
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