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anonymous
writes: I went out with now my ex-boyfriend for 3 years before we both moved to different countries and then communication broke down. Now we live in the same country but he is living with his new girlfriend, I am single. He comes around to see me and we make perfect love like we did when we were still together and he keeps leading me on like we will get back together. esterday reality struck when a former neighbour of his told me that he and his new girlfriend were in contact even when we were together formally. I confronted him and he says 'I thought you knew about it' and that he had told me that he just wanted flings with me, nothing serious. It hurt me to know that I am now second place, I still like him very much but dont want to be like a Mistress. Will I ever get him back to be mine alone? Is it worth it to hang on that probably things might not turn out well with him and his girlfriend and that he will come back to me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Paul, writes (22 February 2005): So you don't want to be second place, but then you say that you hope "that probably things might not turn out well with him and his girlfriend and that he will come back to me?". Is that what you really want? To think, "if only his relationship would fail then he might have time to consider one with me"? What then - so you have a relationship with him until someone else comes along who he likes better? Sounds like you've already condemned yourself to second place. Listen, sister, the only relationship worth having is one where he wants you DESPITE all the others. If you sell yourself short then you're going to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder to see which floozy he might go for next. Will that make you happy? He's having his cake and eating it and you are being left in emotional turmoil. My advice - kick him to the curb. There's a million other guys out there, and there are bound to be guys who look at you and find the person who they choose over all the others, and that's the most special feeling in the world.
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