A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 years old. I moved from idaho to kentucky for my boyfriend we have been together for almost a year. I put my life on hold for him for 5 months now. Well I decided to go to school back in idaho. So I am going home. Both of us have been stressed about me leaving so we have been fighting. We went to a bar lastnight came home drunk and got into a fight he opned up and started crying saying how I am everything to hime bllahh. Well I just wanted to know, do long distant relationships really work out.? If we both put effot into it will it work.? He will be home and done with his job in six months I will get to see him once a week. Everymonth. Please let me know :) thankss
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Hi, it is me again, If it will only be for another 6 months you can do it! that's exactly the amount of time before my guy and I will be together! I know we can do it!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): yes they can work but a lot fail. you mention u putting in the effort & being mature, but remember he also has to be mature & put in the effort as well. expect high phone bills, expensive (on a relative basis) presents, stress before u meet & during followed by longing for him when he's not there. growing distant - apart & cheating are obviously the big risks. good luck
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 November 2008):
 You sound like you will be just fine. And as you can see from several posts here, it can work out well! Good luck and congratulations on your choice of career!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the help. We didn't go out drinking to solve our issues we just meant to go out to dinner and the next thing u knew we were drinking. But we got in a fight for me being a drunk girl hahah and being a little shit .. And we both do have lots of flaws. And I can live without him he is just a big part of my life. We do most of the time talk things out like calm and rationally. He does appreciate what I have done for him he says it all the time. And six months from december he is going to try and save 10000 dollars plus and quit his job and come back to idaho to be with me and go back to school. Which is cool. And I know I am young I don't know everythin ( I hope that does come of like rude or sounding like a b**ch cause its sinceer) I have a lot to learn but since I was 15 I have been in longgg relations the 1st one was 2 years and than this guy. But during those two I did plenntyyy of dating hahah :) and if its meant to be it will happen..I just feel that our relationship is strong we have been through a lot of hard times with one another we have worked and solved a lot of issues. And I judt feel that If enough efforts put into this it can work but its going to be veryy difficult. But I am glad its worked for you guys I hope it does for me to.. I am going to school for dental hygeine!! :)
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female
reader, anon642  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Hi i also am in a long distant relationship and i too, wonder whether it will work but i'd just like to say that after reading the answer from britt429, i'd definately give it a shot, they always say that the first month is always the hardest..and in a way i do believe that because you have to adjust to the new circumstances etc, but i'll tell you now that the months after are hard also but just remember how he makes you feel etc and hopefully it will work out :)
All the best!
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 November 2008):
LDRs can work out if you put in the effort and you are truly committed to making it work. I was in one for nearly 2 years, and now I'm married to the guy. It can happen. BUT and there are a lot of BUTS in your situation from my perspective... let me elaborate here.
First, when we started our LDR, we had known each other for a couple of years, we started as friends, then it changed into something more. We had the means to travel to visit each other frequently and make loooooong long distance phone calls (we didn't have home computers way back when). We were both in our early 30s and had a fair amount of life experience, including universities, living on one's own, in his case owning a house, basically being independent.
Even so, it was tough not to be together. We managed because we were both patient and persistent.
So I have a couple of things I'm worried about for you and I want you to think about them carefully, don't get defensive right away, okay? I'm trying to help you here.
First, you are still pretty young. At 18, I thought I was really on top of things. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s that I realized how little of the world I really knew and understood. Maybe I was immature, but most 18 year olds I meet still have some growing up to do, hard as it may be to listen to.
Second, the whole getting drunk and fighting thing? That's a red flag to me, because that's a poor coping mechanism. Drinking, I mean. That's how some people self-medicate to get through a stressful time, but it only leads to more problems. Like fighting. Instead of discussing it like grown ups, he had to get drunk enough to tell you that you were his world? Hmmmm. He sounds like he has growing up to do.
And you said something about putting your life on hold for him. Did he appreciate the extent of your sacrifice for him? Does he have empathy with you? Do you two communicate well, without stress and fighting? It took me many years to figure out how to communicate with my guy in an effective manner. He was already ahead of me on that front, because he is a great listener and is able to express his feelings and concerns in a non-confrontational way. I needed a lot of practice with the listening thing. That's not to say we have had our yelling fights but eventually we have managed to get to the place where we can discuss things calmly, even the tough things.
So look honestly at yourself and him. What are your strengths? Where are your weaknesses? And don't say you don't have weaknesses, because we ALL do, and it's a really good idea to figure them out so that you can compensate for them. What are your life goals? What do you want in the future? How do you plan to go about getting there?
I hate hearing people say things like "I can't live without him." Bosh. Of course you can live without him, you just really would prefer not to. In fact, if you can't live without him, you might need to look at why you are so dependent on one person, why you can't stand on your own two feet? Sorry, I went off on a tangent there, you didn't say that you couldn't live without him, you're even making the (I think correct) decision to go back and continue school. That's just a little pet peeve of mine, and maybe I'm projecting things from other questions onto yours.
Nevertheless, it's food for thought.
So, to answer your question, yes, the LDR can work if you both commit to it, if you're both mature and self-aware enough to recognize the pitfalls you two will face and if you want the same things out of life. I have learned, quite painfully, that love does not conquer all. Hard work and determination and honesty with yourself will help to conquer most things. Love just fuels the desire to do so.
Good luck, and congratulations on school. That's a smart thing to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my family wants me home and the schooling I want is in idaho. He will only be in kentucky for 6 more months than is coming back to idaho
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): They tell me that Long Distance Relationships can't survive, but I have been with my man (well, not really with my man...he lives 2700 miles away) for 7 months now. I visited him in June and he came here in September. We talk every night, we email and we are planning our future. Of course, at 18, the odds are against it lasting for you and your guy. I think there are too many temptations and circumstances for both of you to meet other members of the oppisite sex for it to work out. All you can do is try it and see if it works out.
Even at our ages 58/62, there are problems and misunderstandings that have caused some difficult times. So, at 18, I think it would be 100 times more difficult. But if that's what you both want, go for it!
Why can't you go to school in Kentucky? Have you looked into doing that?
I found that in my experiences, and from people I know it is almost always the woman who gives in and changes her life for the man. We're just more flexible than men are.
I am looking forward to moving from Arizona to Maine in April. I know I can be happy with him no matter where we are! I told him a few weeks ago (and I truly believe it...Love is not a location; it's an emotion, that can conquer anything) I hope I gave you some insight and I wish you all the best! I also commend you for following you dreams and goals, and returning to school!
The best of luck to you!
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