A
female
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*ebieophilia
writes:hi !!! i'm eebie. well i've been dating my bf for almost 17 mmonths now! i've known him for 6 years. He's my best friend, i just couldln't be with someone else, he's all i know. But lately he's been acting really mean towards me. If there's something wrong with me and I try to talk to him about it, he'll start yelling and say he's trying to relax. i have had a really hard life and he's all i have right now, i don't want to break up with him, but i don't know what to do...if i try to bring it up, he might get mad again. what should i do? i really need advice. G.B. -3eb!e
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2006): Some people may not think this, but hasnt it occured to you that he may be cheating on you. I mean, men do this to create arguments so that they could have an excuse to leave the house and when they leave they meet with the other lady...Its like "you this, you that" "thats it, I cant talk to you, im leaving" and then they go and meet with that someone that theyre cheating on you with. And you think that he just took off to cool off for a bit about the suppose argument that you both just had. Its bologny! Check that out. I mean, you say that he's never been like this towards you and he's recently started being this way. You say that you had a hard life, well, he may be tired of you and your hard life and is taking it as nagging. Most men dont understand how to comfort a woman when it comes to our emotions or things that we went through in our lives. He shouldnt be so insensitive towards you. Men act like this either because they dont know how to deal with a person who's had a hard life or they act like that because they are just simply tired of dealing with a person who's had a hard life. Its hard I know, In fact im going through the same thing right now. Just try talking to him and ask him if he needs time alone and ask if there is anything you could do to help him relax. And if you have problems with your hard life maybe you should go to a councelor because if thats the problem you have here, its clearly affecting your relationship. Well i hope this helps. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2006): Eebie, no matter what the problems is..no one should be yelling at you. Tell him to communicate maturely and clearly. No more yelling. You made two comments "he's all I have right now" and "he's all I know". I'm not sure what your underlying message was, but could it be that you are very dependant on him to make you feel wanted and whole? It is possible that you've heavily invested in this relationship, you may feel too eager to be loved. When this occurs you bring a 'neediness' to the relationship. This can have a smothering effect on people, if they are not mature enough to handle it, so while there is no excuse for anger and yelling, your bf could be reacting this way, out of frustration. If this is occuring in your relationship, please examine yourself and learn to become a whole person separate from anyone else. My recommendation is to tell him maturely and calmly, you will not put up with poor treatment, and that you have the right to express yourself. Taking a strong stand for our rights in a relationship is important..it's called boundries. Boundries are guidelines..it lets the other person know that you are to be treated with fairness and respect. He needs some reminding. And also, take time to do things seperate from him. Visit with other friends, get involved in other activities. Just don't center all of your time on him. Boyfriends are there to 'share' our life, not "be' our life. Really think about what is happening deep within this relationship. Are you being too over-eager and wanting to spend all your spare time with just him? If so, back off for a little while. Give him space and see what happens. Just don't use a relationship with a guy as a substitue for fulfillment and happiness. Before you go into a relationship, you should already be happy and fulfilled. I could be wrong in my opinions here, Eebie. Just take from it what you want, dear. If he continues treating you badly though, after telling him to stop..then it's time for you to move on, Eebie. Continuing in a relationship, where someone is being abusive, will only kill your spirit. Never allow anyone to do that to you. I wish you the best and good luck,
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (5 June 2006):
 and make sure you tell him that honey.. ok
I hope my advise helped you a little, Good luck sweetie, if you ever wanna talk or just more advise feel free to email me i'm always here for you ok would love to hear from you again
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (5 June 2006):
Hey there
Hi sweetie, firstly i can understand that you love this guy and could not imagine life without him but babe, he should'nt be shouting at you whether he needs t relax or not that is not an excuse for him to be treating you this way who does he think he is exactly, i also understand that you have had a tough life and its a testament that you have come out of it the other side as strong as you are... sweetie pluck up thatinner strength and tell this guy how your feeling but tell him the minute he begins to shout you begin to walk the more he shouts the further you walk and if his shouting continues you'll just keep on walking till you never have to put up with that behaviour again... you don't have to stand that from anyone yeah ok if he's stressed or wound up he may need to relax but why can't you relax together give him a massage or something have a bath together in candle light there are so many relaxing things you can do as a couple rather than him taking it all out on you YOU DESERVE BETTER
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2006): It sounds like you have a strong good relationship with this guy and that's great. You said you have had a hard life, I know alot about that. Is life still hard for you now? I know that you may have past issues that effect the way you live life even now and that can make it hard for you in relationships but I think that maybe your bf is going through something of his own right now. In fact I am nearly positive of it. I have had many relationships with people (friends, family and lovers) that have been similar to this. A support structure and somewhat of a councellor. I have been on both sides of the relationship (the one needing support and the one giving support) and I have to say it's much easier to be the one giving support. Because you care about the person needing you so much you like to help them, listen to them and make them feel better. The only time you need a bit of time out is when you have something on your mind yourself, if something is actually wrong with you. You would never tell the other person because you know that they have enough to deal with but you also can't be there for them like you normally would.
I have also driven people away with my problems that they were so willing to help with in the beginning but felt like they weren't getting anywhere in the end or that I simply would never get over it. I really don't mean to sound harsh but maybe your bf needs you right now and you haven't even realised it. I now have relationships that are a mix of both. We are both the support stucture, the best friend, the counsellor and also the victim, the one in trouble, the one needing advice support and love. We give that to each other and I try to give as much as I take. I know I've had things worse then alot of other people but there are also people out there that have had things alot worse then me. And alot of people out there that have been through little but can't handle the smallest problem because they have never learnt to. So everyone is usually going through something and no one has had a perfect life.
I have three suggestions for you that will get your boyfriend listening and also talking:
Talk to your BF about how he is feeling and see if there is anything troubling him. If he seems closed off push a little bit and tell him that he had been there for you in the past and that if he ever does need to talk or is confused about anything that you are there for him.
Try having a normal fun conversation or (this has worked absolute wonders for me in the past) suggest a fun game of TRUTH where you get to ask each other questions in turn and you both have to answer honestly. Start with funny questions so you both get relaxed and try not to bring anyting up that might start a fight.
Read A Child Called It, The Lost Boy and A Man Named Dave by David Pelzer. Truely inspirational books!
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A
male
reader, richierich79 +, writes (5 June 2006):
 WOw, I understand a little relaxing time, but you also need to be able to talk to each other. Have you spent enough time with him just relaxing or doing fun things lately? Maybe he needs a break from the stress, before he can get back to helping. I think we all mean well, but it sounds like he needs a stress break from my perspective. I am sure he wants to help, so try giving him time and then making time for you to talk seriously again. If he does not wish to work with you after you show him you can respect the relaxation time, then perhaps there is a deeper problem.
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