A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:here's how it goesi made friends with the girl im sitting next to in class. She has a boyfriend btw. She was really nice to me and i started liking her.We texted a lot everyday and we got to know each other. Eventually we were very close and we kinda became good friends. We trusted each other and shared secrets.Sometimes she would try to disturb me and we end up disturbing, teasing and flirting with each other. We got even closer after her boyfriend went overseas.She kinda gave me hints that she likes me too and i decided to take the rish and tell her how i feel.After that i called her and eventually we confessed to each other our feelings.Over the next month we've been pretty intimate.. And it feels like she was my gf. Every now and then i would tell her to break up with her bf so that we could be officially together but she told me to wait. Some people were suspecting our relationship and her bf started asking questions. Our so called relationship lasted for about 4 months and it stopped when her bf came back.If she really liked me why didnt she break up with him. And now her bf is back and she's spending time with him and it's very uncomfortable. When i confronted her, she said we should be friends.Was it a mistake and is there anything i can do to get her back? Thanks!Im really sad :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): whenever people get involved in a new relationship while still being stuck in an old one there's always two huge competing factors: one is how much does she love you or want to be with you, versus how 'difficult' is it for her to leave her current relationship.
She may have very strong feelings and desires for you that, if she were single, would mean she'd be with you in a heartbeat.
But being weighed down by another relationship is a totally different matter. There's a lot of discomfort and fear and guilt involved in ending any relationship at any time. Also because we're all socialized to believe it's bad to leave a relationship for someone else (whereas it's OK to break up for any other reason), your very presence might be what's keeping her reluctant to break up with her boyfriend because this will make her look bad.
In the end it depends on which outweighs the other: her desire to gain a relationship with you, or her unwillingness to experience whatever negatives will happen from ending her current relationship.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Am afraid to say that yes it was a mistake. Am sure she likes you as a person but at the end of the day she had a boyfriend and you shouldnt have got intimate with her unless she was single so am afraid it is a lesson to be learned.
She probably missed her boyfriend got confused and got closer to you, but now he is back she doesnt need you anymore so she has pushed you away.
You need to try and forget about her, there is no point fighting for her because she was never yours to begin with. I think its best to lose contact with her and move on. Goodluck.
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