A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI am a 30 y/o good looking physically fit male, I have been married to my wife for 3 months but have been together for 11 years, I have a normal sex drive which is about 2-3 times a week.My partner is 27 and very attractive she has a few problems mentally about her weight which i keep trying to reassure that she is still amazing,she has had a few problems in her past with abuse from a stranger which i am completely sympathetic and caring about.As always when we first got together sex was great and it was for the first 2 years then it took a slight decline due to pregnancy but in the past 3 years its getting alot worse and since we got married its non existent, she says she has a low sex drive and only thinks about sex once a month which is when we have sex, but i have walked in on her masturbating and i know she masturbates at least 6 times a week, so my question is If she has low sex drive why does she masturbate so much? I masturbate regularly prob 5 times a week but i do it because my sex life is awful if it was better i dont masturbate much at all. I love my wife very much and have tried to talk about it with her but she blatantly lies about it and denies she was doing it.I dont want to split up our family life over this but i am feeling so depressed and unworthy of anything i feel its the only way i can live a life without feeling the way i do. please help thanks
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depressed, her past, sex drive, sex life, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): If she is obsessed with her weight, it is a form of 'control' she needs because of the past abuse. She sees sex (with a man) as a 'bad thing' or wants to avoid it because she wants to avoid the 'feelings of the past' that go along with it. She's punishing herself and needs professional help to guide her through these feelings(guilt, anger, misunderstandings..)to release them, and free herself from the mental anguish. Please be patient with her, and tell her she NEEDS sex abuse (christian)counceling or the marriage will eventually die.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): Thanks tellulah I will take on your advice thanks for the response very much appreciated
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (3 December 2008):
 I totally understand how you feel, because my partner has a really low sex drive as well (he is male). So it goes to show that it can work both ways. I have tried asking him whats wrong and he says "nothing" I have also asked if he loves me, he say's he does (very much). I have given him the chance to just up and go if he is unhappy, but he always just says "I'm sorry I dont want sex as much as you do"
I dont think they understand how hard that is to live with. To feel the rejection every time is awfull, and I am finding it hard to get used to as well. But I am not going to give up on him, because most of the other stuff is great. If there were a magic wand you could wave and make it all like it used to be I'm sure we both would.
What can you do...You could try counciling if she would concent to going, but if she is like my partner she probably thinks nothing is wrong with her and will have any number of excuses for why she is off sex.
Be patient with her, try not to put pressure on about sex, its really hard I know but I think its the only way to get though to them.
Sorry if this wasnt much help, just wanted you to know that your not alone with this.
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