A
female
age
30-35,
*ehrul
writes:So the story is like this.I met this guy on this online website - okcupid. He was the one who messaged me first. Like all online interactions, we chatted a bit online for around three weeks...then we started talking over the phone...we have been out on five dates so far.The dates have been good so far... He was always a perfect gentleman, would always foot the bill, drop me back, talk to me etc. etc. He'd always say he had a great time after the date.However, after the fourth date there was no physical interaction. I kissed him on the cheek after date number 3...but he has never tried to hold my hand...or get close to me...he's always sitting close...but not too close.Today, on date number five i asked him when he was going to kiss me...when he was dropping me back...he did...but..something was just plain wrong...it seemed like his heart was not in it.And then came the harsh truth. He said he liked me...that i'm really pretty and fun...and that he's attracted to me but he is not sure if he is ready for a relationship and he wants to take things slow. He said if he didn't like me he would not have spent so much time and kissed me when he did. But for some reason he's not ready. He said he wants us to get to know each other better...and that he is not dating anyone else...it's just me.I don't know what to do. Is it useless? I'm really hurt. I know i am being stupid. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mehrul +, writes (24 December 2013):
mehrul is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you...just wanted to tell you that I told him that we should just be friends.
I have decided to date other guys for now.
I don't want to get hurt, nor do I want anyone to feel pressurized to be with me...you know?
A
female
reader, mehrul +, writes (23 December 2013):
mehrul is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. That helps.
I just feel bad because i wanted the first kiss to be special and it was just awful...like he was doing a favour. It sucks...I feel like a total jackass. I don't know how to face him again after this. Or if I should even want to do that...I think I need some time away.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 December 2013):
 I would suspect that he had a bad break up before and is still recovering. A new date helps him get confidence with the opposite sex and also helps him refresh his mind. For you it does nothing. It kind of leaves a bad impression to start off a relationship. People should only go on dates when they feel ready.
On the plus side, you know he can be very serious and puts his heart into it. If you feel too frustrated then you just see him as a platonic friend and lower all your expectations. If romance doesn't work out you still have a friend. Later you can only hope that the affections come back from him. Don't beat yourself up for wanting something natural. I don't blame you for wanting to date other guys. He is occupying your time, without a guarantee that he will become the boyfriend that you wish for. He is asking for your patience that only a committed girlfriend is willing to give. Right now you are only seeing each other so you are not obligated that kind of courtesy.
When you are feeling hurt you are taking this personally and not looking at the big picture. When dates don't work out it doesn't have to be your fault.
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