A
female
age
36-40,
*ecycled_love
writes:There is this guy that has been in my life for 7 yrs now, our confusing situation started back in 2004 I was 15 and he was 16. We dated briefly and the relationship ended before it got started because of my immaturity. Throughout the years we have been in other relationships and we always seem to come back to each other. He has hurt my feelings a few times because he tells me that he isn't ready to be in a relationship, but he ends up with other women, that doesn't seem to last and here I am like wtf?!?.We will not talk for maybe 6 months out of a year, if he does something to piss me off and then here we go, laughing, hugging, and kissing again. He told me that I was too good for him and he would only hurt me because he couldn't be that guy I was looking for and deserved. I really care for this man, and I know he cares for me. He has issues with letting people get close to him,and gets upset when I get him to tell me whats bothering him. I love it when he talks to me, and pours his little heart out. My question is if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and he knows that I want a relationship, why can't we end this? In this 7 yr span we've only had sex once back in 2009, and If its not sex that keeps him coming back what is it? Do he want more, but is afraid or is it hopeful wishing on my part?
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male
reader, krit  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Men fear of hurting the lady the lady they really care for the most. So if he can't hold on a realtionship right now then he would run away from you because he knows that if he gets deep into this he would hurt you even more. He believes it's better to end sooner than later because giving you false hopes and ending it later would only make all things which you had a BIG LIE in your eyes. Value what you have now and then see how it goes on from here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): "He has hurt my feelings a few times because he tells me that he isn't ready to be in a relationship, but he ends up with other women, that doesn't seem to last and here I am like wtf?!?."
From this, at least he was telling the truth. he said he isn't ready for a relationship...which is why they didn't work out! Sometimes boys think they need to have a GF.
I agree with Happy140 - he cares for you a lot. But if you know a relationship won't happen, you should break the habit of kissing etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): If he wanted sex, he would probably try to take things forward.
Its not necessary that a girl and a boy always have to be in a relationship, he maybe looks at you as a good friend.
If you're not in a relationship with him, don't get intimate like kissing and stuff.
And if you really like him, tell him that and if he doesn't want to be in a relationship, then hes not.
You can't force someone to love you.
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (2 August 2011):
 As one who had, and to some degree still has, issues opening up I see his point. We do not open for fear of that intimacy being used against us. If you are pissed for six months at a time I bet you say things that really dig at and hurt his feelings because you are so mad.
You hold a grudge and said, “Pours his little heart out” That is definitely a sign of immaturity. Ask yourself what you truly mean by “little” heart? You make it sound as if when he does its funnier to you than serious.
He comes back because he TRULY likes you. He very deeply likes and cares for you. You may also care as much but you don’t show it if it takes six months to say I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, if you apologize at all. I think you sound like a very caring young woman who enjoys and likes his company but are unsure of where this “friendship” is going and you get emotionally upset about it when you are together and trust me when I say that it shows. You many not think it does but it manifest itself in the way you speak and act. His inability to have a long term with another woman confirms he is not ready. He wants to be your friend.
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