A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would be so grateful for any advice. I want to leave my husband - he is making me physically ill (has already got to me emotionally/ mentally)as the stress is affecting my health (I am 39 and on beta blockers for blood pressure and anxiety). The emotional abuse is daily and I have put up with it for years (been through counselling but not helped) but my problem is my dog. This will seem ridiculous to anyone who is not fond of dogs, but I am currently studying full time trying to start a new career (though am ridiculed for it by husband) so to leave my husband I need to get a job and find a house - this is not easy at the moment (Xmas, recession, etc). To make all this happen I cannot take my dog with me, for now, as I need time to concentrate and travel / visit different places and estimate I need about 8 weeks to sort myself out with a place to live - which could be anywhere. I walk my dog twice a day and take him to the vets etc. My husband implies I would lose the dog due to a divorce and he would keep him. This is a power trip as he knows how much I care about the dog. I am scared that if I leave the house for several weeks I will come back and be unable to have my dog come with me or he will refuse to let me take him. This would almost kill me off emotionally. Due to the abuse I have lost contact with friends and I have no family who can look after the dog to help me - I have checked kennels that are suitable and they can help for up to a week but are very busy or fully booked up and some are so expensive. I have spent hours searching for help in my locality but it is hard to find someone trustworthy and reliable. I really need to leave my husband as I cannot get through the next few weeks like I am. I don't think my husband can change the door locks as we are renting our property. My husband knows how to look after my dog but should I risk leaving my dog behind and hope I can collect him later?
View related questions:
divorce, emotionally abusive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Hugs to you. You need to reconnect with friends before you leave and find someone who can help you. Maybe they can care for your dog until you get everything settled. Or maybe you can rent a room with someone who is a dog lover and take your dog with you. Don't leave him behind, he will help you get through this difficult time. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): put up an ad for a temporary foster home for our dog. i dont know if they have a humane society where you live, but if so they may be able to help you.
at the end of the day, though, this is about you not your dog. dont use your dog as an excuse to stay in a bad relationship. that's only a few steps removed from using your children as an excuse to stay in a bad relationship, and it doesn't help anyone. Is your dog really better off watching its owner be abused, than if it were in a safe home without you?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): I see you are in the UK and I wonder if you could get in touch with "Dogs Trust" they are a charity that often rehome but perhaps if you could tell them your situation and say you are in an abusive relationship and if you leave him with the dog while you try to find suitable accommodation that he will not let you have it back or even worse get rid of it while you are gone. If you really stress how the only way you've kept going is by having he loving companionship of your pet I would like to think they would help you. Offer to contribute to his stay however you can, donate money, bring food, toys or blankets etc... for them to use with their other dogs. If not the dogs trust maybe the RSPCA? I suggest dogs trust first my experience is that their staff are more helpful and caring.
If they say no then are there any boarding kennels near you? You could pay for your dog to go into holiday kennels for the time you are looking for a house. I know this will cost a lot but if it is for over 4 weeks the owners might negotiate a special rate.
You are very brave making the decision to go as some people do not ever get the courage.
Have you ever made charges against him with the police? Or does the doctor know your stress is caused by your partner? If so this might increase your chances in being given local authority accommodation but very often all they offer single people are flats and in my area they only allow dogs in the bottom floor (I used to work at a housing association). But contacting them would be a good way to start and put your name on the housing list, tell them you have a dog and even if you get a place to rent in the mean time you might be lucky and get a cheaper alternative eventually.
Don't worry about the cost of finding somewhere to live I know it's hard and a worry but for yourself the benefits outweigh the costs. Search your local papers for houses that rent a room as they might allow a dog, or houses that rent out little annexes on the side which have their own facilities. If you find somewhere for the time being you can always keep looking but getting yourself out of there with your dog is the priority.
You say you are out of touch with friends but perhaps if they knew the direction your life had taken and how you are trying to now move on you could regain your friendship. It would be nice for you to have the support. Best of luck, I hope you find a nice little place you can be happy. Take care x
...............................
|
