A
female
age
30-35,
*maya153
writes:I know this was a silly thing to do, but yesterday I looked at my boyfriend's search history when he was out. We've been together almost 2 years now and he wants to marry me, have kids with me and I know he's the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know he masturbates and I do too, but whenever I do it's to something we've done or I want to do with him. What hurt me when I saw his history was the amount of hot girls pictures he's been looking at on Facebook, girls who are friends of friends mostly. Often he will have looked at these pictures at like 12 am after he's been over at my house. He also googles stuff like 'alice eve hot pics' and 'chelsea ferguson' and 'eva mendes sexy'. It hurts me so much because I know he's masturbating to all of this stuff. We have a great sex life and I know he finds me attractive. He has sexy pictures of me that I've taken for him so it hurts that they aren't enough for him. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, when he looks at and imagines being with all these women with big boobs when mine are only B-cups. If I'm the only woman he ever wants to have sex with (he's told me this so many times), then why is he imagining doing it with other girls, maybe even ones he knows? I feel so inadequate and I know I can't talk to him openly about it because I can't tell him what I did as it was so wrong. Yesterday evening I could barely look at or kiss him because I was so upset, and every time he touches me I just feel like he'd rather be touching any of those other women instead of me. Please help me, what should I do? Any advice from someone who's been in a similar situation to mine would be greatly appreciated!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): I know what you mean it hurts, I got rid of my ex because he was too interested in porn and that is worse than looking at pics of celebrities and clothed people (imo). Took me years to stop thinking about it. I do believe that it makes them less of a good boyfriend but that's just me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): "I know he's the one I want to be with for the rest of my life"
Well then, you need to stop all the secrecy.
You've been snooping on your boyfriend's computer, because you presumably were worried about what he was looking at. Tell him that. Say that you have a confession to make; be humble about it, and tell him that you looked at the history on his computer, because you were afraid he might be looking at other girls and that you weren't enough for him. Apologise. If he loves you, he'll probably be too embarrassed about what you found on there to blow his top with you.
And then you can tell him what you've told us here. If he loves you, he'll be more concerned about your hurt feelings than about his urge to look at top-heavy tarts online. At least it doesn't sound like he's into hardcore pornography or anything.
"It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, when he looks at and imagines being with all these women with big boobs when mine are only B-cups."
*Tell* him. Let him know you're really hurt. If he loves you, he'll want to protect you, rather than leave you in torments about your smaller breast-size. (And women always assume that a big bust's best, but men don't always think that way: many men -- myself included -- find A-cups and B-cups sexier in general.)
Anyway, good luck: I hope you sort this out together and have a long and happy marriage...
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 January 2014):
It is simple human nature to want what we don’t have. As a woman you would understand this very well. You might at some time wish you had bigger boobs, longer hair, curly hair if it’s straight, or straight if it’s curly, curvy hips, flat stomach, and so on. We as humans never really see the good things we already have, but want the grass that we think is greener on the other side.
There are women whose boyfriends adore them to bit, and they call those guys needy, clingy, obsess, and so on. Then you have women like yourself whose boyfriends are not the clingy, needy type, and guess what they want? It’s like people saying “I can’t wait for summer.” Then summer gets here and they say “It’s too hot.”
Enjoy what you have, because complaining never helped anyone. Educating someone does. You cannot change people, but you can teach them, and your boyfriend needs to learn what you like and don’t like in your relationship.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (28 January 2014):
 Greetings,
The big trouble about this is secrecy.
You have the secret about viewing his history and he has the secret about his chosen girl type.
Part of me feels the need to say that he has chosen you to be his girl but another part of me is concerned about this masturbating to friends pictures.
Celebrities is a common for both genders and the fact you masturbate to only your bf is admiriable but you must forgive that your bf will window shop for other girls however you need to discuss with him about this issue with his friends and ask him to be honest.
If this means being honest with him first it will do a whole lot more good than holding it all in and constantly worrying
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