A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, First of all im not here for lectures, as far as im concerned im a mature woman who may be within a certain age band *looks up* but I work 45 hours a week, I pay my way and i am independant, I have been in a serious relation ship for about a year now and I am engaged - lectures are not needed.Ok i dont know how EXACTLY this has happened. I've took a pregnancy test with the doctor and will get the results either tomorrow or thursday. I've missed a period, I had my last one on April 18th - They are like clockwork every 28 days. I was due May 16th but My period never came. So here I am 2 weeks later, The doctor think im pregnant ect, I am only about 10% I am because....I SWEAR we used protection. We used condoms EVERYTIME and properly, checked them afterwards and always had clean hands. I cant work out if this may be cause there was a possibility of a split condom and not knowing? I'm not sure. But by the time I get some answers I should have the result so...If its positive...How can I tell my dad (I dont live with my mother nor do i get along with her) Also what about his parents - They're the type to critisize everything he does and compares him to his older sister - who has done pretty well for herself thanks to her mothers help. My fiancee doesn't get much help from his family.Its just how can we tell them? Any ideas or scenarios in mind?Let me know =]no lectures pleasethanks again dear cupidx
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condom, engaged, fiance, period, pregnancy test Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): My mum does charity work and she is has been visiting a mum, who is 20, who has a 4 year old son. She was kicked out by her family because she did drugs, had sex and had her first kid age 14, whilst in a carehome. The first kid was taken away from her by social services.
Also she visits someone who has four children, is 21 and they are all boys under four years.
You, however, are sexually ready, engaged to a hopefully respectable man, have an income, live well and have a dad who obviously cares (if he didn't you wouldn't be so worried) and so what if your grampa judges you, you are alright, there are tons, TONS worse than you!!!!!!!
Best of luck, and you should tell your father in person. At your house, eating food you prepared, payed for by you!
Show him what a marvelous person you are, and tell him he'll be a fantastic granddad!
Jelly
xxx
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Hi Hun,
Well, I'm assuming that that has taken the pressure off, but everything always feels a bit off after going through all of this. I know that you are probably disappointed and a bit sad, that's pretty normal, even if this was a "scare". If the next test is negative, I wouldn't worry that something was "wrong", it could be a normal fluctuation in your cycle at your young age. Having said that, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You know that it will happen at some point for you two, because you have plans! And isn't your guy a sweetie to be there for you! You both have impressed all us aunties with your demeanor and your replies. I know when you do become parents, you will be terrific at it. You certainly have approached everything with common sense, and that's refreshing, believe me. We hear a lot on this site! LOL! I'm glad that you are going away, you need a break after all this. Perhaps you would consider writing here, your young views would be helpful! AND thanks for not writing in text - that's gr8!
I had a very wonky period, 26 to 90 days when I was your age, so I did use the pill and it made me, shall we say cranky (because that's the politest thing I could say about that). I started using the IUD after my first child, and had a new one put in after my second. I never had any problems, but I did pull it out once by accident (it has little strings on it so that you can check it...). I liked the fact that I wasn't using hormones that made me nuts, and that I didn't have to remember to take a pill every day. I never had excess bleeding, but I did spot when I ovulated. Anyways, that was my experience with it.
Hope that you have a nice time on your vacation, Hun.
Birdy
XXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Congratulations ... So sorry....
Neither is quiet right cause we don't know for sure. It's probably just stress or just a one off. Lets wait and see what the doctor says. Don't stress and worry, cause it makes no difference to you and your partner either way. Have a nice holiday aand have fun, you deserve it.... Take care of you, see you soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone.
Well I got the result back adn its a negative, but the doctor connot explain the missed period. So he has said to wait another 2 weeks as what would have been my next period is due next week and if that one doesn't come by the 20th of june then take another test.
I am going to take a home test on the 13th though as I'm going away on holiday adn waiting for a result is going to make me anxious and the last few days have really took it out on me.
I told my fiance the result immedietly after and he called me. Asked if I was ok. Both of us, due to the situation and the fact we want to wait until we marry, partially wanted the result to be negative. As we have planned kids for after we marry July 15th 2011. But also on that note. If in between now and then (even though we have not been trying) if i as to get pregnant it wouldn't be such a bad thing. We were both dissapointed with the fact it was a negative result. My fiance cannot wait to be a father and I cant wait to be a mother. But if I miss another period and if another test says its negative i will give it one more month. And if thats a negative then something has to be wrong.
Hehe Diovan Lestat - Yes Anne Rice is a good author. Interview with the vampire is one of my favourite books I haven't really read the others. I dont have as much time anymore. But I love the story with Lestat and Nicholas and then Lestat and Louis =] btw either result positive of negative is good news for its own reasons =]
birdynumnums - Yeah the rod thing didn't work out, the iud im not keen on but I plan to have it AFTER i have 2 or 3 children - if I dont get my tubes tied. =] the thought of a coil though inside of me kinda makes me feel ill at the thought though personally. I have seen them in sex education classes and still. I feel ill lol.
Tisha-1 - thanks and yeah i understand, looking at the flag and age thing is pretty obvious i could be doing what the rest of my age range is doing. But ever since i was younger I was pretty mature in mind. After I passed all of my G.C.S.E's I tried college but prefered the world of work hehe x
anyway I will let you all know in a few weeks of the result and ongoing. If also my period comes that will be when I accept it is a negative result. x
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reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I knew that you were indeed an intelligent and resourceful young woman. Sorry if I missed the mark on the exams/being around other young women, but it was a guess based on your age and country flag. Thank you for your very gracious reply about it!
It sounds like you will do just fine, whatever the result is, and you've got a very wise friend to support you as well.
Thank you so much for the follow up, it really does mean a lot to know how things turn out for people we give our advice to.
As Birdy and Diovan said, fingers crossed for you!
All the best.
xxx
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (5 June 2008):
I'll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you, Hunnie. Thank you for the long and thorough report back to all the aunties, we appreciate the feedback. Ouchies on the rod things, I never did well on the pill and I liked the IUD best for myself. It sounds like you have everything in hand and a great friend to lean on.
XXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Perfect.... I would favour what your freind said, but it might be a bit strong for those with weaker stomach's.
Yep your right about the name... Guess you read the same book. Thanks for the update, and thanks for remembering me. (blushes)
Good luck tomorrow... We're thinking about you and crossing our fingers. Like I said, I don't know if we're hoping for good news or bad news, but we'll be watching this space awaiting the news.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey I should have the result tomorrow. Thankyou all for the advice you are all being very helpful and I appreciate it - including the no lectures part I am VERY thankful for that!Tisha-L - I am not currently studying in college. I am working in a nursery, and gaining my qualifications as I work (Modern Apprenticeship) :)I have a steady job, my fiance is starting his work soon. I have worked out IF i am i would be 7 weeks maximum.My father will probably be supportive IF I am and MY mother MAY BE but after the novelty wears off she will return to normal (I have 6 sisters and it's all been the same)Childcare I would take up at the nursery I go to using both me and my fiance's wages as well as finacial support from Connexions who help young parents. So I should still be able to continue gaining my qualification and looking after our child. I know that although I dont have many I have a small handful of friends, my best friend is already worried for me and is helping me be cheering me up. She's already talking about the helping me out, having a shoulder to cry on, going to her for the girly worries. We studied childcare together for two years and she knows the textbook stuff well as well as everything else as we have both cared for infants and children (she is genuine).I will let you all know the result tomorrow, im about 90% its negative. Responses to peopele::DiovanLestat - first of all nice name is it from interview with the vampire =]. Thankyou for the advice it is very helpful indeedTisha-1 - Thanks for the advice. As i Said earlier, I am not surrounded by heavy exam studies or constant women. I have 6 sisters and I know my body is young - (I'm 17 on the 12th of June). But i KNOW my body. I have had period since I was 10 years old by the time I was 15 I had them working on clockwork. I like the dad i love you speech its very helpful and has given me inspiration =]birdynumnums - thanks for the advice I have mentions the childcare already. I did have a double method of contraceoption with what Implanon, the contrceptive Rod which goes in your arm - My body rejected it - my scar tissue grew around it rather then over it therefore not implanting it. I tried. The pill I hate - I despise chemicals going into my body + my sisters do not react well to it so i probably wont either.lotus mama808 - nice way but knowing our families they wold probably say we were not ebing adult and not thinking things through and then call us childish and then lecture us worse anyway. but nice try =] thanks everyone. I just wanted to post something my best friend said she said to many."but then i thought and i said this to EVERYBODY who demanded i got rid ... I might not be rich .. and i might not have my own home... but i have got all the love in the world for this child and if non of you can ecept the fact im having a baby .. then he or she wont have a grandma and he or she wont have a grandad she will just have me .. so deal with it .. or forget me"xx
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reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (4 June 2008):
 "Hey, mom, dad, Guess what?!! I have the most WONDERFUL news! We're preganant! Isnt it great? We are so happy!" The more positive you sound, the lighter the reaction. Tell them you are thrilled about it. Thats what I did. I was shaking inside, terrified! But, I made it sound like we knew what we were doing, and that it was a great thing, and guess what? They didnt disown me. If you sound scared, they will open up the lecture box, and make you feel even more terrified, so lively up yourself, they will reflect. Congrads, it really is a blessing, (that is if you ARE preggy:)
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reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 June 2008):
Well, Hun, I'm sorry that you may be facing this. Have you decided what you want to do?
Condoms have a 3% failure rate - best case scenario. Under normal usage, the failure rate is more like 14%, according to the FDA. Nature really intended sex for getting people pregnant, and it is very determined. The best thing to do is use condoms and a second method as well. Most people use the pill.
Well, having said that, l think that you sound like a mature and independent young woman who knows what she wants. I'm pretty sure that you realize most families are disfunctional, so no need to explain yours, most are pretty similar.
Most of the people who are going to react negatively are going to do that because they are worried that you don't know what you are getting into, that they will be called upon to foot the bill or raise the child, or that you have somehow "ruined your life". So, make sure that you have worked out where you are living, what you are both doing for finances and what you will be doing for child care once the baby arrives. It's all about the planning and the carrying through with them.
It's a strange reaction, but a lot of parents have invested a lot of their emotions, hopes and dreams into their children, possibly to fulfill needs of their own. That's where the knee-jerk reaction is going to come from. The more basic instinct for them is that they are going to be thrilled that you are having one of their grandchildren. What they REALLY want to hear is that you have a plan, that you are in control, and that you are BOTH buckling down to take on this HUGE role, the finances, the responsibilities, the long hours. So, if you go there and only want their help, they will probably be worried about how you are going to cope with this at such a young age. If you go there with all the answers planned out, and prove that you are capable of becoming parents, they will eventually accept this. Present it as a "fait accompli", or "an act that was already decided before you asked their permission" or simply a done deal.
Location... Find a neutral place. You know your family best. I don't know if you should discuss this in public or not, depending on their temprament. Don't do this on a special occasion. You might want to do it in a long phone call first and give them a bit of space to calm down before you see them again, although there is something to be said by getting it over with and not letting them stew on it.
Best of luck with everything, Dear.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2008):
I know I am probably the queen of lecturing those who engage in unprotected sex, but I cannot find it in me to even begin to say blah blah other birth control methods blah blah too young blah blah blech. And the blech is on me for being too abrupt. I need to listen better sometimes. Anyway, back to your question.
You are obviously a very intelligent and resourceful young woman, so I expect that you will find your way through this with not much help from us, because you and your boyfriend are in this together, and seem to be able to communicate and cope as a team.
I'm going to hazard a guess based on your age range and your country flag that you are in the middle of exams, and that you've been under tremendous strain to study, AND work, AND succeed AND pay your own bills. You've probably also been in the company of other students, including females, as you deal with all the burdens of these life-defining exams. Am I even anywhere close to the right path?
So, you're still a young woman, and even though you've had very regular menstrual cycles like clockwork for a while, the fact remains that you are still young AND you've been in the company of a lot of stressed young women. Sometimes the normal cycle gets knocked out of whack by stress and exposure to a lot of other women, it happened to me a couple of years ago, and I'm in my 40s!
So it's quite possible that you are not pregnant, based on your very responsible dealing with contraception, but just late due to this situation you're in.
So we get to your main question, how to tell the families involved. Hmm, first of all, you must know that your dad loves you and will want the best for you, so if I were in your shoes... oh heavens, I'd be crying like crazy...
"Dad, I love you and I know you want the best for me. I know this is too early for me and you but I'm going to have a baby. It's not what I wanted and I was responsible and used birth control, but the thing is that this is where I am right now. I need your support and your love to help me through this. My fiance is with me and is supporting me through this and I want to know that you'll be here for me too."
His family, they may need another approach... You'll need to talk with him about the best strategy.
But we may be getting too far ahead of things. Wait to hear the results from your test first.
With my very best wishes.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): No lectures here, your over the age of consent in the UK, and are therefore legally able to have sex, and have children.
Ok, congratulations on the baby (if thats suitable) or so sorry you find yourself in this difficulty. Your an adult women, you pay your own way, your might be pregnant. This happens, and no one should judge you for this. Even if they do, who cares.
I would invite the whole family round for dinner, and with my partner explain the situation then. Personally I don't think it's any of their business whether you had an accident or not, but you can tell them what you please.
You need to especially carefull of your partners mother. Let her know how much you value her help and support, especially as you don't get on with your own mother. Butter her up so to say. After all it's her grandchild too. But make sure that you keep your feet on the ground and stay in control. It's your baby and you need support, not people telling you what to do. Try to be as nice as possible.
About your own mother, I know that you don't get on, but often things change once you have a baby. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Your child will feel more secure with a large loving family around, and you will definately need all the help you can get.
Good luck to you. PS: You can also have a word with your midwife, or health visitor once the baby comes, their a very good source of advice at helping you overcome certain issues.
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