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female
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writes: Ok. So I slept with someone I thought I didn't care about. Now I'm totally in love but haven't said anything. He said he's looking for long term but doesn't think he can do that with me, probably because I just f**ked him like an idiot. Also, he says he's been hurt by someone else and is protecting himself. Any advice on how to remain in his life? Do you think if I withhold sex he'll want me as something more than a toy? I'm in agony. I'm failing this semester because of him and he doesn't know it. I'll never tell him that, but I just want to stay in his life somehow. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (12 January 2006):
 If you're failing this semester because of him, then he can't be a good influence, and he's obviously having a negative impact on your functioning!
You feel like the guy views you as a sex toy. That statement implies that he doesn't value you as a person all that much; he just wants to get laid. Is it even worth putting effort into playing hard-to-get by withholding sex, when deep down inside, you must know that the guy doesn't care about you all that much?
He already told you that he doesn't think he can have a long-term relationship with you. He mentioned the excuse that he's been hurt and feels the need to protect himself. In my opinion, it seems that the way he is "protecting" himself is by not letting himself get close to you emotionally. He wants sex (physical closeness), in the absence of emotional closeness. So, most likely, if you withheld sex from him, he'd just get bored with you and break up with you. Bleh. You don't need him in your life. Wouldn't you rather be in love with someone who is capable of loving you back? Someone with whom you have great sex, yet he still values you as a person, more than anything, and sees himself having a future with you?
I think that you should take some time for yourself. Focus on school, focus on putting your life back together, focus on loving YOU. This guy doesn't love you, and he's soooo not worth the agony. If you follow my advice, you'll be thanking yourself soon enough. You deserve better!
Best of luck.
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