| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I broke up from a man who was very abusive towards me about a year and a half ago. I have since entered into a healthy realtionship and have become engaged. Knowing all of this I still keep thinking about my Ex. I think it may be because I feel that I never had closure, since we never spoke again after I left. He ended up with all of my things and all of of our so called "friends." He also left me in major debt after making charges to my credit card.I still have a lot of animosity that still to this day I feel I cannot let go of.A few friends of mine have suggested that I write him an email from an account that I open just for this purpose, then never check again. They said to just get everything I feel out so I don't have to carry it around anymore.I think although this may help me vent some of the frustration that it may stir up a problem that is even bigger. I think that maybe it will do enough to make him mad enough to start looking for me. What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, debt, engaged, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, siren +, writes (15 September 2005):
do what i did years ago write the letter seal it then burn it that way its all out of your system but you not have to worry bout him finding you then if ever you do see him as i did you dont feel the fear any more just anger so you not the little girl crying needing him any more you are able to stand up and shout saying you dont scare me anymore leave me alone
it workd for me i was in that situation for 7 yrs until i finally got the courage to get out tho he was physical violent too but same applies then get on with your life and be happy
:-) P
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (14 September 2005):
 Only you know how he can get. If the possibility is that he gets good and mad and try to find you, then it is best to leave that letter unsent. Dont let your anger get the best of you. Dont get me wrong, you have every reason to be angry and I can definietly see that you didnt get closure. But is closure worth what you have earned?? You have earned a healthy relationship, the beginning of a new life and not to mention you were strong enough to move on with your life. For a people who get abused it is hard for them to trust again and you did that is a big achievement. That right there is your closure.
If you really want to let frustration out here is what I would say. Write a letter, write all the things you wanted to say to him. When your done with your letter DON'T mail it to him. Keep it for yourself. You will be surprised how writing a letter to yourself can help. I have done it when i went through my own situations.
In the end who needs to stir up trouble. As of now your happy and safe. Just remember you were your own closure.
dee =)
...............................
A
female
reader, bee +, writes (14 September 2005):
Hi there,
first well done for geting out of that and finding someone nice.
I think your friend with the e-mail idea is sensible but think carefully about it as having any communication with your ex will fire you up and not necessarily make you feel better.
I personally wouldn't do it.
I myself have an abusive ex and in the end I realsied that no amount of talking or yelling would take away the pain because the abusive person does not want to know that they are abusive and they have nothing to say to you that will make you feel better about any of it, I promise you that.
Even if they say sorry, coming from them, it doesn't really mena anything because they will not have really accepted what they did.
I found that a lot fo my anger was actually towards myself for allowing myself to be in that situation.
Some people are just dysfunctional and poisonous in relationships and the first step is to try to forgive yourself for falling for someone like that and making a mistake in trusting them. i know it sounds crazy, because of course it is them that is abusive and wrong, but to make peace with it just take them out of the equation, they have nothing to offer you or say to you - focus on healing yourself, by yourself. be strong and kind to you.
Try counselling - yoou honeslty need some impartial unbiased support to unravel what happened and why you were there in the first place.
It will be very tough but you will emerge with some peace and much better equipped ot enjoy your current relatioship, I promise.
Lastly I want to wish you lots of luck and love in your future - know that you are better than that guy and you can eventually feel sorry for him and his unhappy life.
All the best,
Bee
...............................
|
