A
female
age
30-35,
*ay-graham-xx
writes:Okay well I still havent told my boyfriend I have cheated because I dont want to hurt him and I dont want to destroy the great relationship I have with him now! I seriously do not think I would ever cheat on him again cause the guilt I have felt so please dont think too low of me! I love him more than anything! But I just cant tell him cause that would maybe be it!!! Basically here is my question.... If he did find out about it how do you think I should go about apologising so maybe he would forgive me?! Me and my ex best friend have had an argument and she has threatended to tell him I just dont know what to do!! The thing is I stop having sex with the bloke after about 3 seconds cause I realised what a huge mistake I was making but I dont think that would cut it with my boyfriend if I told him. Also as I was drunk it may be no excuse but he knows that I got so wasted at this party I was at and he knows I lose control and respect for myself and others when i'm drunk, which is horrific I know but it's just the way it is. I'm never going to get that drunk again I was almost paraletic! But if my boyfriend found out do you think he could ever forgive me? and maybe if i'm lucky take me back if I promise to change cause I already am changing now! Its been about 2 months ago now and I havent done anything in those 2 months I know thats not long enough to prove myself but I want to change cause I love him so much!
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best friend, drunk, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Aww- well done! -that's so brave!
I really hope it works out for you. At least he's taking time to think rather than jumping in feet first, which is very mature of him.
Whatever happens, I think you'll have saved heartache in the long run by dealing with this now. Remember to tell him how much you love him and how very sorry you are. I hope he appreciates your honesty and can forgive you.
Good luck. I really hope this works out for you!!
A
female
reader, Kay-graham-xx +, writes (30 June 2009):
Kay-graham-xx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him I dont know how he's going to react now! He's thinking it through going to tell me later just hope he takes me back!
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 It wasnt your fault you were very drunk and it sounds like you didnt do that much anyway. Dont tell your boyfriend you feel less guilt but then you make him feel bad. You have been good for the last 2 months, so you have changed . as you said you will watch your drinking in future
Forget about it and move on. He loves you , you love him
End of story
Your not a bad person just had to much to drink
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): send this question and the answers to your email address (set one up thats new!) - and just leave it there
if he finds out, print it out and show him how wracked with guilt you have been - he may see that it was a stupid mistake that you didnt follow thru with and you have learned..
otherwise, find some way to make peace with yourself - we are much harder on ourselves most of the time for our stuffups but, telling him will only ruin him, and make your conscience feel better
in that way, i sugggest to you it maybe selfish to actually tell him! - see what i mean?
know that no one judges you, everyone makes mistakes - its how you handle the next temptation that matters, put it behind you.. if you believe in God, tell him your sorry, he promises to forgive you and remove it 'like the east is from the west' (thats a cute/clever way of saying ''its like suddenly, like it never happened!) (east can never meet west!)
just decide to be more honest to yourself in the future, if you want other men, let this one go - i think thats all you can do
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): You sound like a really caring person, and I hate to push you into a hard choice. However- if this was you, wouldn't you want to know the truth? And don't you think that he deserves to know the truth? And don't you want to be in a relationship based on trust and honesty?REGARDLESS of whether or not he might find out another way- that's not the point, this isn't just about minimising the impact on you, what do you feel is the right thing to do? Not just because you love him, but especially because you love him- search your conscience. If you do tell him, be straight up and tell him how you feel- tell him everything that you put in your post- you sound genuinely full of remorse- I really hope that it works out for you both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Hi...... if you really do love this man, then you must tell him. If somebody else tells him, then it will rip his world apart and destroy your relationship. I know - it happened to me. If my ex gf had told me herself and been honest, the odds are that it would have had a better chance of working out. By not telling him, you are being selfish and thinking about yourself...
Be brave and be honest! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): you are now only scared that your friend whom you have has a fight with, will spills the details of your cheating. if you were certain that this stink would not come out, you would gladly not tell your bf about you having sex with this other man, right? perhaps you need to look closer at yourself and ask yourself some hard questions. you have been covering up deliberately and now are faced with some unpleasant choices. you had no problem hiding the truth from your bf in the past. relationships are about trust and once the trust is gone, what do you have. you need to realise that in life nothing remains a secret for long. he is going to find out, whether now or in a few months time. you cannot cover up this for much longer. who do you prefer to tell him, your ex friend or yourself. if you tell him you have a much better chance at salvaging this relationship. if he finds out from someone else, then you only have yourself to blame for not telling him the truth. he would rather hear it from you than this friend and remember, the friend may also give him all the sordid details. is this what you want? the decision is yours. but you can be guaranteed that he will find out, i think sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Trust is relationship's core. Do you have to tell him? Nobody can force you, but what if he finds out anyway?
Life is about experience; through experience, you learn and when you learn; you grow.
It might not be a good experience for you to go through but you still must face the consequences with hope for the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): well this is rough, If someone else besides you know that you cheated, your best bet is to tell him yourself. Do you want him to find out from someone else?. Not good. If no one else knew, I'd keep quiet. But I think you should tell him. He might forgive or he might not.
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A
female
reader, MansonGroupie +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Ok, You made the mistake of letting yourself get into that situation in the first place but did stop it when you realised what you were doing.I don't think you'd gain anything by letting him know about this one-off mishap. The torture you're putting yourself through at the minute is punishment enough!If you value this relationship, you'll remember the anxiety and pain you are subject to now and not allow your boyfriend to go through the same feelings, that's just not fair.If your boyfriend knows your ex best friend and that you two have fallen out, he may just brush off her tell-tales as spite to get back at you.This is probably going to an unpopular answer but, honestly, where would you even begin on the explanation front??? 3 seconds...? it's hardly a nasty, seedy, premeditated affair!All I can follow with is, if you're ever in a position like this again, stop, think and imagine how you'd feel if he was doing that with another girl!Don't be too hard on yourself and learn from experience :) xx
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