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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi i have just broke up with my girlfriend of three and half years, and i was in denial in the end that it was over. We had not been getting on and she was hung up on past arguments and stuff and lost faith that we could get on. She told me that she wanted it over due to all these issues and that her feelings had changed.I tried and kept her for a while (three months) by changing every aspect of life she was unhappy with, and she seemed to be getting better and responding and saying she was happier with life itself, (sex even restarted a few weeks ago) but in the end she could not get over the past stuff and so her feelings inside could not come back.After a hard week, splitting but living together as we have a young child, me accepting but hoping, we eventually have now gone our seperate ways mainly cos she started something with someone else at the very end (the last week or so)I need to move on and know logically how to do it and will try to do it. But i feel that the best way to recover is to reinvent myself, take some time out from going in town (we live in a small cornish town), get busy (i used to box and have decided to go back), and find various things to keep me busy while i lick my wounds. I feel that if i take time out, train hard to occupy myself so that i can go out in a few months and feel like a new me ready to face the world and face her. Even avoiding town and where she will be, i will see her occasionally due to our baby son. But i am thinking in back of mind that yes it is right thing to do for me to recover, but also that she may look at me and remember what she liked in first place, might see a new me and regret not being with me. (I accept it is over and over for good, this is only 30% why i am gonna do this) Any girls been through this or men whose girlfriends have with them got any experience of the former partner one day looking and thinking - 'damn, that is what i want after all'?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): thanks Baby Girl, and i agree and that is what in my mind. I know that common sense tells me that when i have taken time to lick wounds and reinvent myself, she will not be so much in front of my mind anyway.
But then, i think i will always be sad we are not together, and will always have that candle of hope in my heart. I know that when someone splits, the worse thing to do is chase or keep going on at them about how you feel, so am not. I am not contacting her at all.
I feel that no matter how far her heart has gone, there will be some questions or doubts in there somewhere, i mean, we had a child, we did get on, have fun, she was also a kept woman, and life was easy and comfortable and in the last three months we lived the life she really wanted (except her heart was no longer in it) It is easier not wanting someone when they want you, it is sometimes a wake up call when they appear to be getting on and thriving without you, (especially if you are not thriving yourself), sometimes you not know what you had til you no longer have it etc.
I will move on, because i accept the chances of all that is nearly non existant, i just cannot help but hope that if she feels it a little, or gets a little lonely, wonders for a nanosecond what i am doing, then by me making no moves, those feelings may multiply inside especially if i have removed myself from sight, and she goes from seeing a me that was a good guy who loved her deeply and looked after ger but not the one she wanted to the next time she really looks at me, i am looking fitter, happier, popular etc. You know, bascially the man she once loved without whatever that she eventually didnt love.
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