A
male
age
,
*hootnfish
writes:I am new on here so thank you all, I have a multi-sectioned problem for you, I'm 48 (and have a disability, but no-one would ever know by looking at me and it does not effect my life apart from the following) and my partners 49, we have been together for 20 years and have two children, we had a regular sex life until about a year ago when I was injured at work and hurt my back, I've been off work since. I now have to use Cialis for sex and thank god for it, prior to that I was ready for it at any time, I used to get a hard on from the smell of a warm scarf. I try to do the best I can and will do what ever it takes to keep my partner happy, however, in all the time we've been together she has never performed oral sex on me, foreplay is almost non existant and I initiate sex all the time, for me its a case of jump on and go for it or miss the opportunity, I always spend a long time on foreplay (if its allowed)and her whole body is attended too and I get nothing in return, she'll kiss me and thats it, no cuddling, masturbation of me, nibbling of parts, nothing, its really getting to me now and playing on my mind, I am a very patient and considerate person and would love to be more experimental, I.E. anal, bondage etc, I've tried to sit her down and have a conversation but she refuses to talk about it, I've also mentioned going to a therapist but she refuses that too. I'm a red blooded male with a fairly high sex drive and I'm proud of that, but I'm at the end of my tether with her and am considering packing my bags and walking away, we're only on this planet for a short time and it should be enjoyed, I've thought long and hard for some time on this but my mind is torn to shreds and I reckon I'm incapable of making my mind up, not that I'm going to make a decision on an answer offered on here, it has to be my choice.My partner is a very pretty lady and turns heads wherever she goes and I know for a fact that a local business man offered her a lot of money to go with him to a high class business lunch (I was consulted and I didn't stop her as it was a lunch and thats all), she refused. I had sex three times in 2008 and am really sick of my life, if I do leave her I would lose a good friend and lover(?) but the peace of mind I would have would be a relief and I could live my life my way.Any suggestions please
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male
reader, shootnfish +, writes (23 April 2009):
shootnfish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies to my question and I apologise if I seemed harsh and unsympathetic towards my partner last night, but I did give you the abridged version of events, otherwise I would be here for hours giving you the full version. Our children are 8 and 5 years old, neither of us work at the moment, myself because of my medical problems and my partner spends a lot of time with her mother. I want to get back to work as I was/am the bread winner and I feel terrible and under pressure because I can't do that at the moment, we share the household chores and I do as much as I can before the pains I suffer make me stop, I do all the cooking and washing up on a weekend, I wash up after every meal and do as much as I can in and around the house, but it isn't easy. I try and keep the kids occupied and amused, to be honest my disability is that I have a false leg and I don't walk correctly and the injury to my back is being exaserbated by this. If I try to talk to my partner in a heart to heart way, she walks away and will not enter into any dialogue, she told me in her own words, "I am what I am and thats it". Strangely, today I bumped into the guy she used to go out with in the mid 80s and as I've known the same guy for 30+ years we had a bit of banter about motorbikes, out of the blue he said to me, "I bet you haven't had a blow job", I was a bit taken aback and asked him why he would say that, and his reply was, "I never got one because the bloke she was going with before me, parked his seed in her throat", so that got to the bottom of that.I think I'm a fair bloke, don't drink much or smoke at all, I'm not out till all hours and I don't demand of her all the time and I do as much as I can at home taking into consideration to my condition and injuries, if I spend a slow day working at home I'm more or less out of action for the next 3. I've asked what she would like in bed (or around the house), suggested things like light bondage/fetish stuff/kinky and am faced with either no reply or a blank expression, if some of you think I'm a "me me me" person, you are 180 degrees away from the truth, I'm 48 years old for christs sake, I know theres give and take, and I'd rather give than take but there has to be some repayment somewhere, but as far as I'm concerned its all give at the minute and has been for some time, I bring her flowers and its welcomed with "what have you done"? I buy her bits and pieces and hide them around the house for her to find, I'm very hygenic and shower every day, so theres no odours emanating from me, I dress well and make her laugh as well as making her the the centre of attention if we go out with friends. The compliments that get paid to her are amazing, even though she is very close to 50, people do not believe her age as she looks 10-15 years younger. If we go out, I always drive if needs be, she is shown affection every day, maybe I'm too easy going and need to be more assertive but its not in my nature, as per my name, shootnfish, I do both of these as I find its away to feed my family in the hunter/gatherer way of things.As for my statement about not making a decision on an answer on here, I should have stated "any one answer", I know there'll be plenty of good advice and I'm willing to listen.Thank you all again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): After all this time together, do you know why she doesn't want to have sex? Women are stimulated to have sex for different reasons than men.....romance. If you love her and enjoy her company and the only reason you want to leave is because of sex, wouldn't it be easier to find out what it takes to turn HER onto sex? Perhaps you just want sex with another woman?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): so your considering leaving her because of sex. I'm not trying to be mean, but does she take care of you, does she fix your breakfast or dinner, wash your clothes, take care of your kids, do she do any of that stuff. if it is that bad then do what you feel is best but you to have Peace of mind. I personally think that is a crazy reason to walk out on her. Does she work on a public job. How old are your kids. and you made a comment you are not going to make a decision based on any of the answers on here i agree with you it is your choice but why did you bring your question here if you are not going to consider advice given to you. why didn't you just make a choice at home on your own. if you are not going to accept advice then don't seek it. Good luck hurting her because she don't like sex. maybe your next partner will or if you get another one.
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A
female
reader, lucyluck +, writes (22 April 2009):
well i think the thing you need to be asking your self is why she is refusing to perform oral sex or some of these other things. it could be for some traumatic reason from her past. i no you've already tried but maybe you should start with a cut throat, "i might leave you" which is harsh but it could be necessary and will keep her attetion and she wont walk away. just tell you how you feel including the part about you might leave her because life is for living. tell her you hav considered ther might be a reason but if you dont know what it is how can you help. also mention that you love every other thing about her. you must get on if you've been together for 20 years and you did say you found her attractive. if she knows this it might change her mind. Or maybe shs cared she obviously loves you and perhaps she is worried sex may injure you more severly especially if it was a back injury. good lucK.
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