| A
male
,
*agshox
writes: I know I want kids, she's not 100% sure nowadays. We've been married for 6 years now and were starting to get serious about having kids. Yes, we probably should have been on the same page before we got married, but I thought we were. She's got some issues about being a good mom, she doesn't have much patience which I can understand, she is that way. But I'm not feeling confident she's trying to be a good mom before we decide to have them, she's hoping she just turns into one when it comes that time. Is that good enough to work through or are we asking for trouble?If I know she really doesn't want kids and I do is that a big enough issue to think twice about our marriage? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Unlike marriage there's no divorcing your kids. If you KNOW and she KNOWS she doesn't want kids then I guess you'll have to live with it unless she changes her mind down the road. You will need to see if you love her enough not to be resentful of her decision. If children mean more to you than your feelings for your wife then you may have to split the blanket. Big decision, good luck.
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Yes. Try babysitting for say two weeks. It will show exactly what sort of a mom she will be. And don't think you can take care of it all alone.
I never wanted kids....my husband pushed me after saying he didn't care when we were dating....now don't get me wrong....I adore them.....but I DONT think I am the best MOM. I have very tough children...because they have to deal with me. I try very hard because they are such wonderful little people....but in stressful situations I revert to drill sergeant mode.
This is an example. Of the five cheer coaches my daughter could take private lessons from...My child choose the most abrasive...the one who made the other children cry. I asked her why she liked that one the best...and my daughter said.."
Because she's the most like you...she is direct and I don't have to wonder what I am doing wrong..."
Now that is sort of a complement because her students regularly make varsity...unless you met the coach.
There have been many days I wish i had not taken the leap of faith....For their sake not my own.
This is something that is either IN you or not....For me It is HUGE effort. If She Knows....it is not a glitch or just her little fears....She knows. If children are your main purpose in life... you should have addressed this. At this point I suggest you stock up on a run of parenting classes WITH HER..BEFORE making your final decision.
Then borrow kids and BE with them. (everybody wants a reliable adult sitter...volunteer...with or without pay...explain why you want to get as much practice as possible)
Other peoples children ARE NOT your own...and that's hard to explain....but It will give you a non-permanent glimpse at the real world...and not one of those jolly parenting is the most rewarding, joyful, perfect things in your life magazines.
If she has issues...real ones....believe her and figure them out first. Not everyone was meant to be a parent...that does not make them a bad person...it actually makes them a good person to recognise the fact and not just bring them into the world with a half hearted hope and no plan.
...............................
|
