A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys I'm in an awful mess. Try not to judge me to hard please!I've been living with my bf for about 6 months, we've been together a year before that. 7 or 8 months ago we started to develop problems in our relationship, arguments about silly things, not spending time together and a lot of mistrust towards me especially about certain male friends I have some that he's never met and apparently doesn't want to even though I've given him the chance. He goes through my phone all the time, needs to know where I am and gets upset if I don't give him an exact time ill be home even if I'm just hanging out with my girlfriends and my work mates. I've never given him any reason to doubt me before. So we moved in together thinking that we'd get to see more of each other (I work nights he works days) and it worked for a little while even though he was still checking my phone while I was asleep or in the shower. But then 2 months ago, we had a silly drunken argument and the night ended up with me catching my bf in our bed with another girl. I was devastated to say the least. We went on a break for two weeks so I could get my head straight and decide what I want. In that break I got drunk with another colleague and close friend who we've always had a flirty relationship and who I've secretly fancied but I've always thought I wasn't his type and we were just close mates. We ended sleeping together. We agreed to just forget about it as I was too cut up over my bf and he was seeing a girl plus we don't want to date colleagues. I get back with my bf and life goes on, still mates with my colleague and he's still as he always was, tickling my neck every time he passes and always hanging out together in work and having an occasional cuddle. Things have been going bad with my bf again and I'm trying to make the decision if I should break up with him or not after the holidays (Christmas last year was a nightmare and id just like to have some peace this year) But then last week my colleague kissed me in work and I kissed him back too. Nothing has been said but he stayed very close to me the rest of the week, touching me tenderly or playfully slapping my bum or giving me little looks and smiles. This week however he is quite distant and not really responding to hardly any of my texts. Another colleague who is the only one who knows says he likes me but maybe its because of my bf he doesn't want to do or say anything. I wish I could just say something to him but I don't want to make it awkward. This is all a completely new thing to me, I am always faithful and I never even thought this would happen to me or that I would let it. Am I being used by this guy or does he actually have feelings for me? I would like to think that if I ended it with my bf that after a while my colleague and I could give it a go. But that is wishful thinking. It's all just one big confusing mess!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 December 2012):
 I agree with person12345
regardless of if there is someone waiting in the wings, (and to be honest that's not a good reason to leave a relationship but it's something that makes it easier--knowing others find you attractive and you won't be alone forever is a comfort) you need to end the relationship that's bad.
he does not trust you
he cheated on you IN YOUR BED (to me the ultimate betrayal)
you already "went on break" which I'm sorry is just the beginning of the final break up.
better to end it and move on.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 You need to end your relationship officially because the whole thing is already over unofficially. First off, your boyfriend is an absolute control freak, second off he cheated on you. Understandably, you no longer value your relationship at all.
You should leave him regardless of whether someone is waiting in the wings. It sounds like you don't have feelings for him anymore anyways, and it sounds like your boyfriend is just a terrible boyfriend (and it sounds like he would be the type to cheat again, given how controlling he is).
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 December 2012):
 I think that the relationship with you boyfriend has come to an end to be honest, you had a break gave it another go and things went bad again. I think one of the key factors that bind a relationship together is trust, and unfortunately this relationship is seriously lacking this key ingredient. Any relationship that does not have trust is sure to fall apart sooner or later.
So if you abolish your relationship with your boyfriend i would refrain from jumping straight into another relationship, invarible rebound scenarios never work out. Also be very careful when dating co-workers, while things are all rosy when things are going good its great, but when/if things took a down hill turn then things can be very arkward having to see them every day, not only arkward for the two of you, but for your other co-workers too, so think long and hard before you jump into anything else.
As i said i do think that you should finish with your current boyfreind to be honest, then maybe have a couple of months out and enjoy being single for a while, clear you head and see what you want in a couple of months time.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire +, writes (20 December 2012):
 To start your relationship doesn't sound like a very stable one, your boyfriend obviously has some deeply bound trust issues to be checking your mobile on a regular for no reason.
"He goes through my phone all the time, needs to know where I am and gets upset if I don't give him an exact time ill be home"
If hes this insecure and has no evidence or reason to doubt or accuse you, from experience of being in a relationship where my ex was so convinced i was cheating (and probably still is, 5 years on) that i couldn't even go to the supermarket with my own mother without giving a location and a time i'd be back home! I'd say the chances are hes gonna be like this for the remainder of your relationship and its a depressing and stressful suituation to be in.
I'm getting a sense that you don't really want this relationship with your boyfriend anyway, probably for the best.
I also think your boyfriend is judging you by his own standard since he was quick to cheat on you after an arguement.
Your colleague just sounds playful and flirty and like you said, has already stated where you both stand with dating people from your work.
If you do decide to split with your boyfriend, i wouldn't jump straight back into the game and i also wouldn't split up on the basis of if your colleague has feelings for you or not, do it for your own well-being.
My only advice is to get out of a relationship that only seems to be doing you harm, regardless if your colleague wants a relationship or not, have fun without having to check in with someone every minute, once you take some time to yourself then consider taking things further with your colleague.
Good luck.
x
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