A
female
age
30-35,
*yDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou
writes:I have recently ended a relationship with a guy who I was with for 14 months. We had hit a hard patch and argued a lot over the last month or so, specifically over his army career which was hindering our relationship. I have been cheated on in the past by an abusive ex boyfriend, and I started to get the feeling that I was being cheated on again. He was showing much of the same signs as my previous boyfriend. I checked his phone and found that he had been texting four other girls lots of filthy messages, telling one he "loved" her. It had been going on about a month from what I gathered from talking to the girls. Most of them seemed as duped as me and were upset when I told them who I was and how long we have been together. He met them all on Tinder. He hadn't actually met any of the girls in person and had actually talked about me to 3 out of 4 of them (As if I was his ex girlfriend). But I don't know if there were other girls he was talking to and met up with.I asked him why he cheated on me whilst in pieces. He said he did it to save our relationship because I didn't make him feel special anymore and that I was lovely to everyone but him. He drove me back to my sisters where I fell apart obviously, he left it on "I love you" and I said "I hate you". He text me twice that night saying he was home safe and that he loves me. He text me once the next day saying he was stupid and he was so sorry and he loves me.Its been two weeks now, I'm still really hurt by him. But he hasn't tried to contact me again, why not? I can't believe that he would so easily throw away over a year of his life with me. I think its annoying me more that he hasn't been trying to get back with me. I just want an insight into what's going on in his head.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 1. ending it was the right thing.
He is blaming YOUR for his shitty behavior and that is just not right. If he felt you weren't paying enough attention to him... he should have TALKED to you about it, not gotten on Tindr and flirted with other girls.
2. He already had a foot out the door. The MOMENT he decided to chat up other girls he was beginning to leave the relationship. Whether he wants to admit it or not.
3. His career IS more important. As people can't live in love. They need a job. And the military can be very time consuming career. So you being mad that HIS JOB took him away more then you liked, well that is neither here nor there, don't date a military man if you can't handle the weird hours and demanding job. And I'm saying that from a point of experience. I've been a military spouse for 16 years.
4. He hasn't tried to get back with you, because he is done with the relationship. He is now free to "run wild" on Tindr and not just CHAT to girls but hook up left and right if he wants too. I think he wanted to be single for a good while and now that he is... he is quite OK with it.
Now he MIGHT contact you in the future for some attention, maybe some sex. But do you really think getting back together with a guy who blames you for what HE did wrong, is the right thing for you?
Let him go. Take a little while to take stock of what you want, spend time with family and friend and enjoy being single before you throw yourself out in the next dating adventure.
A
female
reader, Songwr1ter +, writes (30 December 2015):
He did try to get back with you though, but you didn't respond. And I know he's made mistakes, but why do you expect him to keep trying, when you're not responding? Maybe you should ask him to meet up, so you can talk about it face-to-face. you're not gonna get anywhere through text messaging.
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