A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i pregant 3 and half months now and the father of the baby said he be there but he's not he hasn't spoke to me since he said that. now i going to have to make one of the hardest choices in my life and my unborn childs one. on the 20th of september i have a scan and i will bring him if he will come. then after it i will give him the picture and tell him keep it because it be the last photo he will havve of his child. i know this is harsh but i have some reasons whic i explain below. the thing is how do i tell him like i dont want to tell him in the hospital but do i tell him over coffee. how do i word it so i'm not a bitch...he will never be around he be in and out of the child's lifehe be abroad 6 months every 2 yearshe is denying his child he is going to a stage were its all about him and can't ruin thatthere other stuff that i don't want to say how can i keep the grandparnets involved without him there nice people. if i do this has he any rights as an unwed father. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I think there's a point that's missing here: Even if he's a shit, the CHILD has a right to know who its father is if s/he wants to. I'm an adult now, but was one of those children where the mom kept me from my dad and made sure my dad couldn't find me.
Consider finding some way that the child doesn't lose that right. You may feel you're protecting the child, but the child may resent you for keeping the father away. I resented my mother for this and, by all accounts, she was otherwise a decent parent.
I understand your point of view. Please try to understand that children want to know both parents and that you can protect him/her without completely keeping the father out of his/her life.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2010):
Even after that list, I'm sad to say that this sorry excuse for a man has certain rights if he chooses to fight for them. However, sometimes courts recognize a crap parent and will make certain decisions. But, let's say in ten years time he wanted to come back into the child's life, chances are he can do just that. An unwed father has almost the same rights as a wed father. So really, wording things won't work, because no matter how you word it, he can just come back. You can't make him stop seeing the child, and anything you can say could be used against you at another time by the courts. So, just say nothing.
I'd suggest that you speak directly to his parents and explain that you're having problems with him, but that you'd very much like them to be a part of the child's life. Use them to help if you can. All the best.
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