A
male
age
30-35,
*aarnage
writes:To answer you imminent question, No I’m not a clingy stalker guy. I’m just a person who made stupid, STUPID mistakes, regrets it and wants the woman he loves more than the entire world back so I can treat her how I should have to begin with.Anna is the best thing that happened to me. She is the most beautiful person alive, and she comes the closest thing to perfection that anyone alive could ever imagine. She is funny, intelligent, and is amazing to be with. I loved every second of my time with her, and I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with her… Only there is one problem…I had to mess it all up. They say you don’t know how much you have until it’s gone. Bullshit. I knew exactly what I had when I had it, and I know exactly what I don’t have now.Things were brilliant to begin with - you couldn’t imagine a better couple. However as time went by and things got stressful in both of our lives, the imaginary turd went skydiving into the largest fan ever created. For some reason, I took it upon my self to divert any garbage that was heading my way back towards her. Sure, we both made silly mistakes together, however, everything I had ever held back in the dark corner of my mind decided to show itself during our relationship. I would never, EVER want to hurt her, but for some reason, I did.Sadly, it wasn’t until we broke up that I realised what I had done.This may sound desperate or cheesy to you but I felt genuine pain. The only thing I knew was that I wanted her back in my life, yet even I recognise that what I had done was unforgivable, so nothing worked.I now realise how badly I treated herI never cheated on her - I wouldn’t even dream of it, however I did vent my frustration out around her, and unfortunately she was the only one around to feel it. I always knew I should calm down, yet failed to do so; maybe from drinking, maybe because I was too afraid of being vulnerable. Either way, I regret not doing so. Eventually it reached the stage where she said something along the lines of “You know I love you, but I can’t take this anymore. It hurts too much I can’t go on”.I was heartbroken, in excruciating pain, and panicky all at the same time. I tried in vain to convince her - we were both crying. I could feel that she was in pain too… I knew I had hurt her. Frantically, I apologised for everything - and I truly meant every word. From that very second, I fully intended on seeking help in overcoming my unnecessary anger, stopping drinking and treating her how she deserved…To this day, she still wants to believe, but she cannot…The pain… the suffering… the regret… That is all I have left. I can never forgive myself for losing “the one”.I guess that nothing I say matters anymore. These are truly the worst days of my life. I can’t stop grieving. I can’t help but think about her every waking moment. Everything in my room… my house… town… buses… the walk back to my house… college… the Internet… literally everything in my life reminds of her. Everything that I do has Anna’s memory attached to it. Hell, even in my dreams I can’t escape the feeling - I close my eyes and she is there… only in my dreams, she still kisses me with those breathtaking lips.I miss her sooooo much.Every day I wake, I look to my side expecting to find her lying in my arms as she would before, and every day begins with bitter disappointment and sadness. Nothing can make the pain go away. I have tried talking to my friends and relatives and even talking to a counselor, but nothing can make the feeling of emptiness go away. Deep in my heart, I have always known that she was the only girl for me. We were meant to be together. However… Try as I might… as of this day, I am without my beautiful and amazing girlfriend…I wish I was there for her all those times I should have been. If I was, I would still be there for her now.Since breaking, I have spoke to her less and less. The very last time we spoke was a few days ago, and what she told me crushed my very soul. She told me that she still loved me, that she still wants to be with me forever… but she just can’t do it… Words cannot describe how this made me feel. I am destroyed.The only thing I can do now is hope and pray that she will forgive me, and want to try again. I have done everything I can to change, and whilst I cannot say I am flawless yet - or that I ever will be, I am the closest thing to what she needed/wanted. I would promise her before almighty god himself that I would never treat her badly ever again, and that I would show her nothing but love. And even if this never happens, something that shall never change - even after the day I die, is that I love her more than anything in the world. And I always will. Let there be no question in your mind that I am truly sorry for how I behaved, and I shall never, EVER behave in such a way again. I want her back, however I am uncertain as to how I can regain her heart. Yes, she does have a new boyfriend, but she has admitted that she loves me far more than she cares for him.My question is this.How can I win her back?If you aren't going to answer that question because you don't think it possible, then that is fine, but please answer another one for me instead. If I can't win her back, then how can I show her that I am sorry for what I did?Heh.. I thought that by posting this question, it would release some of the agony I feel, and it would make me feel even the smallest bit better.It hasn't worked though.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 You told her you wanted to change and even seek help for your aggression, anger, whatever it is that has been the cause of the breakup. You were unclear about what exactly it is you have been doing to her that has hurt her. So, two things: have you owned up to those promises? Have you gotten help, have you changed??
And, do you even know what went wrong? Are you being realistic, or are you simply taking on blame in an attempt to get her back, if you only tell her the things she wants to hear, and the things you wish were true? Is it really true?? Is it really all because of you and YOUR fault that the relationship didn't work? Be honest with yourself, unless you can clearly identify exactly what things you did that were wrong, you can not change those exact things. If you do not know precisely what actions were wrong, you will stand no chance and will continue to repeat them, only to see that it was wrong in the aftermath.
You said you knew it was wrong when you did what you did (whatever that was, you were so unclear about it), so if you knew then.. and you know now.. how do you think you will change that and not do those things again? If you knew then, it's not like you have learned anything! Because you already knew! So, what exactly can you do about this?
I am sorry, this is not an attack on you, but I've heard this story before. From boyfriends who swore they would change, if I only gave them another chance. There was no change, and I deeply regret having given them second chances. You don't get second chances in relationships. Once it is screwed up it is screwed up.
Action always speaks louder than words. If you want to show her you are sorry, show it through action. If you believe in your own words, show it. Don't say you love her, don't speak, don't do so much talking or negotiation or writing or thinking. Act. Get the help you were talking about, improve. Treat people around you better, treat the next woman you meet better, and right.
If it is meant to be it will be, and you and Anna's roads might cross again. By that time, you need to have something to show for. The journey to become a better person starts today. You can never take back what you did, and you can never have the relationship back. It is over. But perhaps in the future, when you become a better person, and when she has healed from the wounds, perhaps your paths will cross again, and just maybe you will fall in love again. If you can show her then that you have matured... who knows what a wonderful future you might have.
The only way to show her that you are capable of change, and that you are sorry, is to become a happy person with someone else. If you can truly love someone else, and treat them right, then she will know and she might forgive. By that time, you might be in such a happy relationship that you won't need her in your life, even as difficult as it is to believe in that now. But it is impossible to predict what love can do to a person, how it can heal and grow.
Remember, action speaks louder than words, and in this case, your words are meaningless. You need to act, not talk.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): you see, the thing is you can only knock a person back a number of times before they realise they are worth much more than that.Oddly enough, im an Anna too and have been in the exact same situation as your ex was in with you, excluding some baby mama drama lol It is hard,sick too the stomach hard! She loves you yes, but up to this point she has most probably given you so many chances that she realised that if everything was so great too begin with, she shouldn't have to be giving you chances, chances shouldn't exist in a relationship! And also the fear of her getting close to you again will hurt her even more so she's put up a barrier, not only with you, but too all the relationships she'll have in the future! Emotional abuse effects you in too many ways..
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