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male
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*dude
writes: I am 23 yr old single guy. I have some anxieties about myself. Whenever I think about women, the first thing that comes to my mind is sex. I mean I don't see any point of women existing on this earth if it was not for sex. So all my relationship moves towards them have some sort of hidden sexual intent. If I don't find a women attractive, I pretend as if they don't exist for me. I have had some short term relationships with girls but i kind of manipulated them so that I can go close to them and seek some sexual pleasure. Once I find I won't get it from them so easily, I just disconnect with them. Am I a pervert? Is it normal for a man to have sex as the top priority in relationship? As a young lad, I used to be a very lusty chap and sought opportunities for getting sexual pleasure from the girls I came in touch with, no matter if they were my cousins younger in age than me. I didn't care who it was as far as I found some sexual attractiveness or opportunity to go close to them. Even my class teachers and aunts were not out of this context. Now I am finding hard to attract adult women because I find them too much demanding when all I want from them is sex. What is wrong with me?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):
You are not mature enough for a real relationship, thats whats wrong with you.You are acting like a teenage boy and until you realise that women have feelings, you will never be in a healthy relationship.
If you carry on in the manner you have been doing you are going to get (if you havent already got) a bad reputation and no woman will wish to be with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2005): You're right to be concerned about your behaviour. This is syptomatic of antisocial personality disorder and your writing indicates that you may be developing into what used to be knows as a sociopath. I know that term gets kicked around as an insult, but it's not intended to be. You're exhibiting serious social deficiencies that you need to address as a matter or urgency.Some of the hallmarks of a sociopathic personality are that they don't recognise the value or rights of others, seeing other people (in your case, women) as something to be "used" (in your case, for sex). Sociopaths also don't feel remorse or empathy, as you have indicated that you felt no shame in having sexual relationships with your younger cousins. Other behaviours include an incapacity to feel love, inability to be truthful, an impulsive nature, promiscuity, a parasitic lifestyle/relying on others to get by, narcissism and a constant need for stimulation. Look inside yourself and see how many of these descriptions fit.So, of course you're having trouble attracting adult women! Adult women, suitable for lasting relationships, rarely wear signs around their necks saying "Please take advantage of me, treat me as if I don't matter, then move on!" You need to learn how to love and respect other PEOPLE before you'll be able to love and respect women. Once you're over that barrier, you'll find that you don't put sensible women off, the way you probably do now.Congratulations are due, at least, for your recognising this shortcoming in your social skills before it lands you in serious trouble. Prisons are full to the brim with antisocial personality disorders. You should be seeking treatment to help you recognise and overcome the fear and emotional coldness that's reduced women in your eyes to nothing more than the sum total of their genitals.Go to the phone book government pages, look under Mental Health and start making calls.
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