A
female
age
36-40,
*mino
writes:I have never expressed these feelings before to anyone; I am not looking for a pity party. I'm just looking for feedback. This is making me more depressed than I already am.I've been told countless times to date within my league. I've been told to give average men a chance. I've been told to not pay attention to looks and just accept a guy for his nice personality. None of this is working for me. I am not desperate, I'm just dissapointed and confused. I've been attracted to attractive males for as long as I remember. I don't understand why I continue lying to myself, and should just accept that no men (whom I find attracted to) will never be attracted to me. I guess I'm not hot enough, my breasts or ass aren't big enough, or not curvy enough. Those few men who have approached me (only 3) were never physically attractive.The last guy who was interested, was a lot extroverted than I expected (I'm introverted). He was quite intelligent and offered to help with my college courses. However, he was very overweight(I'm not saying that in a negative way). Facially, I wasn't attracted to him either (he was a little below average). So I see him as a friend, and appreciate him as a friend. The other men, weren't overweight, but again facially I wasn't attracted to them (one was average).Of course I sound like a shallow *****. No matter how many times I try to convince people I'm not, its always thrown back in my face. I don't judge people and think anyone I'm not attracted to aren't worthy of my attention, or friendship.I'm not looking for arm candy. I don't view goodlooking men as sexual objects (sex is the last thing on my mind). Personality is equally as valuable to me as physical attraction. But these 2 seem mutually exclusive. I just don't want to be with a goodlooking man; I would've approached all the attractive jerks in highschool years ago. I seek physical and mental/physical attraction.So at 21, I was considering giving up. I already have a dog, and something is still missing. I've considered just staying single forever, but know the real reason was out of bitterness. I wish I was like most women who can date a man who was average and still was a nice guy. Or maybe focused my attention on money , instead of looks. Or if I was male instrad, id have a better chance of finding an attractive partner.Maybe someone here can offer some feedback? I know this isn't really a question, but I really wanted to discuss this with someone.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Amino +, writes (6 February 2011):
Amino is verified as being by the original poster of the question I wanted to drop by and thank the 2 members that commented. I appreciate it :-)
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 That is perfectly normal, there is a reason why a specific type of man is considered 'attractive', so finding them attractive does not make you shallow. You, like thousands of others want someone who is beautiful, inside and out. It is indeed what everyone wants. It sounds like you just have not fallen in love yet, you have not met anyone worthy of your romantic attention. When you do meet someone whose personality is perfect for someone like you, you will find that physical attraction just does not matter. I know you probably cannot even imagine that happening right now but I assure you it is entirely possible. No, you will not be single forever, you just have to be patient, you just need to find the right person.
And stop thinking of yourself as unnattractive. There are so many things you can do to make yourself attractive, without ever going near a scalpel or drenching yourself in uneccessary make-up. Be confident, start excercising. It will help your figure, your health and believe you me when I tell you it will do wonders for a positive attitude. Find something you love doing and just go for it. You are young, your life is nowhere near half over so you have no reason whatsoever to surrender yourself to nothingness. You cannot force yourself to change your taste in men, so stop trying, just get to know people more, stop looking for relationships and start looking for good friendships. One of those good friendships will form a powerful relationship. Just be patient.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, yorkshireboii  +, writes (10 January 2011):
There ain't nothing wrong with your motives here, you just need to continue to search. Don't bring yourself down, that is the worst thing you can do. As the great Sandra Bullock said " People care about people, who care about themselves" and I interpret that as someone who has confidence to be happy with how they look and feel. I know it's meaning probably goes towards looks but ignore that.
You're attracted to good looking men, and so a good looking man you shall get. Average/Good Looking don't really have much difference, I guess you need to prioritise. Do you want a really good looking man who knows it, and treats you like muck? Do you want an average looking man with a big ego and thinks he is the bee's knees? Or can you find the perfect combo of the two types of guys and get a personality to match?
You're not shallow, you find it's the insecure people who tell you that. True story.
Go out there and look, be confident, get yourself noticed and take a shot. Don't bring yourself down, because people will notice. I say get your nicest outfit and get yourself downtown. If that's what Americans say :P
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