| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My concept of getting engaged into an emotional tie with a girl has to do with getting over her ego and insulting her so as to destroy her self-esteem and establish prime supremacy over her emotions and feelings which cannot develop for anyone except me. It is sort of forcing a life time of slavery on to her that i can use for my own advantage and serving the needs of some of my family members. If I cannot enslave her, I cannot trust her for being a faithful spouse. What could i do to prevent myself from doing this to her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 What can you do? I'll quote a famous cat...Therapy and lots of it.
A
female
reader, NowWhat?  +, writes (4 June 2007):
What century do you live in?? When you "enslave" someone you break their spirit and their resistence. She will run from you like the plague and seek the love, understanding and tenderness elsewhere. Use your head. And PLEASE leave the poor girls alone till you get the concept of a relationship straight in your head
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (4 June 2007):
To you, your "concept" of having a relationship is about control. Controling her emotions and feelings, and probably restricting her in other ways. What you call "a lifetime of slavery"
You are asking for advise as to what you can do to prevent yourself from doing this. I am guessing that you realise that such a controlling relationship does not allow for love to blossom and that this kind of relationship will not allow someone to share themselves properly with you, or you with them.
If you feel that this is the way you naturally feel in relationships, but want to change that, the best way to do this would be to enrol in some counselling, for personal growth, to find out why it is you form these patterns of relating with other people. Usually these patterns begin to form through the way we relate to other family members, and this begins in very early childhood.
But there are other ways to relate, and these can be learned, and will lead to more fulfilling relationships for you, so I believe it is really worth investing in.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 June 2007):
 Erm.... leaving her alone would be a good option. So come on, what's all this about? Why do you feel this way? Are you wanting a Dom/sub relationship with her? Does she feel the same way?
You say - "It is sort of forcing a life time of slavery on to her that i can use for my own advantage and serving the needs of some of my family members" - what exactly do you mean by "serving the needs of some of my family members"? Get back to me and we'll see if we can sort this okay?
Eve
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