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writes: Hello. I'm really not sure about something.Well there's a girl I'm like really friendly with at school and I think I've fallen in love with her (she knows) but I don't know whether she feels the same about me and the one thing I am paranoid about is whether if I ask her out would it ruin our friendship and I would lose her. Please help me out. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, lineskisyo  +, writes (6 September 2011):
well first off i would write a song because when im stuck and have to decide what to do thats helps me make the decision when i was in 6th grade i had to make the same decision and i ended up asking her out and she said maybe let me think and i was thinking *o great its over shes gonna say no and its gonna ruin our friendship* but she turned around a few seconds later and said word for word and im never gonna forget this "i like you. i like you alot actually, but i dont wont this to ruin our friendship and if it does well..." then i said "well what" and she said "i dont know...i think i love you" although i didnt start writing songs until 7th grade
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): I just met this girl in grade nine (I'm in grade 10)about a month or so ago, and we are becomeing really good friends, and we are working on writing a song together for relay for life. I think I really like her, and think she might like me back, but if I ask her out now, and she says no, then it might be really aquard at relay for life. Also I dont want to ruin our friendship and cant figure out a way to get aroud it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Hey guys and girls,
Ok here we go:
I've been at my new school now for about 2 years.
I made friends with this girl and we've been pretty good friends.
Over the past 2 months or so I feel like we've been getting really close.
I don’t know whether she feels the same way, I mean we joke about getting married and having kids but I don’t know where it is just a joke or whether she secretly wants it to happen.
She wants to go to London for uni and I’m going on a gap year then uni (hopefully) abroad.
And if it does happen how will she cope? I know I could hold on, but could she?
I don’t want to get hurt.
But we have two year till then so I don’t know whether to go for it and have the time of our lives while we can.
Again I don’t know if she feels the same way at all, it might just be friendly joking.
I really like her, from the moment I wake to when I fall sleep 60% I'm thinking of her.
What to do? Oh what to do....?
Cheers.
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reader, mailman1231 +, writes (31 March 2009):
Ok, listen up, I just went through this situation, keyword, went. I really liked this friend of mine and I had no idea how she felt. I was really afraid also that our friendship would be ruined, so I reluctantly went ahead with it, factoring in the reason that after high school, I would probably never see her again, so I asked. She said yes, BUT, heres the kicker. She always dismissed our dates, saying she had other plans, so I sent my friend out on a secret mission to go find out the deal, and she told him that she didnt want to hurt me, so she said yes. That bit of information hurt a lot more than the inital rejection would have been, but She wasnt a really really close friend, just a normal friend, and it turns out our friendship was destroyed after that, but I'm now happy that I can move on with knowing it could never be. I dont know how much this helps, but its just a scenario that could come into effect for you guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): I am currently in the same situation, but I am female and I have feelings for my male best friend. He has a girlfriend and when they started dating, I didn't feel this way, but every once in a while I would think of what it would be like if we started dating. However, one night as we were having our daily phone chat, we got into talking about sex for about 2 hours. By the end of the conversation, I had verified my feelings for him to myself. I would weigh the pros and cons of the situation; for me, it goes as follows:
Pros:
-We already know everything about each other
-He grew up with two older sisters, so he understands girls very well
-We're comfortable with each other
-He is very respectful of women
Cons:
-Sex is definitely a tension between us, so perhaps it would ruin our friendship, but then again, it may not.
So if you are as close to her as you describe, sit down with her and tell her your feelings for her. If she is the kind of girl who has had sex and preforms the action casually, then suggest the notion that the two of you try it out. It seems terrible and superficial, but it almost always works- your friendship shouldn't be compromised because the endeavor would be purely for the purpose of experimentation. Having this talk may seem awkward and tedious, but if you two are best friends it won't be awkward, and the talk is extremely important, making the tedious nature less apparent. If she dismisses the conversation, apologize. Always stay polite, don't seem needy. If she is the type of girl that doesn't preform casual sex under any means, this kind of talk may be difficult, so make sure her feelings for you are mutual before you jump into anything. Finally, if she doesn't have sex at all, do not bring up sex.
I personally believe that sex with friends can work, but you have to think of the outcomes first. Like for example, has she been with any of your friends recently or in the past? Does she have a boyfriend? Do any of her friends have feelings for you? These questions are important and cannot be dismissed.
So I'd suggest you do a lot of thinking. I hope I can be of help.
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reader, amarko  +, writes (30 June 2008):
It will not ruin the friendship. Ask her out kindly and if you go out, as long as you treat each other with respect, if it doesn't work out then you can be friends for as long as you each shall live still. There is no reason that going out will ruin your friendship. The only thing an intimate relationship has that a friendship doesn't is intimacy, sex and washroom cabinet space stealing. Yes, your friendship will CHANGE, it will not be ruined as long as you still respect each other. Get up the courage to ask her. You'll never know. And even if she says no you can stop thinking about her in that way and focus your boyfriend-ness on other girls, and she can help you get those girls.
She might say yes, she might say no, but remember, 100% of the shots not taken don't go in. It will add to your experiences and make it way easier the next time something like this happens either way. Muster up the courage and just give'r.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Well im a girl and i think you should tell her you like her and that you dont want the friendship ruined and see what she says.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): im 12 and my close friend(who ive fallen for) knows i like her. i tell 1 person the next day everybody knows! I really like her so i want advice just like u.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): I have the same problem, I didn't tell her but I told 4 friends and someone slipped and she knows.... I really didn't want this to happen because we were best friends and she didn't think I liked her, now whenever I see her I feel like shit and it's extremely awkward......
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): ok so u want to ask her out but ur afraid tht it would ruin ur friendship.... well ive been in the same situation i would ask a friend if they could ask ur special someone if he or she likes you and if not thas a bumme but if says he/she likes you make ur friend tell him/her ask you out
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): that last piece of advice was great, its better when you hear what you want to hear from a female. uplifting almost
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): u people are life-savers, thanks so much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): I have the same problem... it sucks dont it... I've known her my entire life. I realized a year ago that I had more than just friendly feelings for her, but I'm terrified that if I ask her out thing might be awkword between us or she'll stop talking to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): well this is a dumb response but i have the same problem... i'm pretty good friends with a girl at school, but i'm worried to ask her out for fear of ruining our friendship. I don't know if she likes me, or if she knows i like her...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): ok here is my situation. i like this girl a lot, my life has been about her for this past year. she is all i can think about. we have been good friends for this past year too but i had feelings that were more that just friendship.so i asked her if she ever saw me as more than a friend. i just wanted to know because i love her so much. she replied telling me that she has always seen me as one of her best friends and that i am the best friend that she has. then she told me that she doesnt want to beat around teh bush or sound mean or anything but the reason she doesn't see me as a boyfriend is because she sees me as her best friend. then she said that she didnt want to go with that classic line ''i don't want to ruin anything'' but its true.i told her that it wouldnt ruin anything and that i always thought that boyfriends and girlfriends were each others best friends and would be there for each other no matter what.she replies "what if one of them screws the other over"i told her that wouldnt happen. then she goes on comparing me with a previous relationship that she had and saying that she doesnt want to loose another friend that way.then i tell her this: "ive already set my mind that you are the one. thats all my life has been this past year. i know that you are afraid that relationships can ruin a friendship but maybe that wouldnt be the case this time. i would do everything and anything to avoid loosing you as a friend."she replied with a =/i am just wondering if she really doesnt want to ruin our friendship or if she just doesnt like me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): dont worry about it i did the same thing but if u keep ur feelings in the whole time u will wonder in the future what if i had asked her out, waht would she have said?w/ my personal experience trst me if u guys r good friends it will so not ruin ur friendship
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Well, ive been in that situation sooo many times, ive had this girl on my mind for many years since year 7 and now im in year 9 and shes still single but has many guy friends
any ideas on what i should do next?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): i think you should speak to this girl about your feelings for her and explain that you like her but dont want to ruin your friendship with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): i have a crush on this guy in school and he has a crush on me too. i want to ask him to go out with me but i have butterflies in my stomach and i am afraid if he will say no.we have been friends foreva and i dont want to destroy our friendship.i think i might ask him out or get my friends to ask him will he go out with me.i am 12 and i have only kissed one guy and gone out with 2.i dont think that it will be the same as going out with them than going out with my friend.or are we more than friends.he's always making me laugh.he's so cuteeeeeeeeee and i really like him.boys and gals all round what do you think i should do.
he sits in front of me and we are always talking.i havent told my friends because some think heis annoying and some will tell everyone that we are going out.i need help from someone.boys tell me what i could do to get him to go out with me and girls can you plz give me some good advice. thnks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo luv ya. BYE
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): yea well i got in the same situation and she said she valued our friendship 2 much which really means no i will not go out with u and i dont want to hurt your feelings.o well so we just didnt really say much cause it was so awkward for bout a month and a half but now 4 months later where pretty much back to being (JUST)best friends sigh its better than nothin i guess.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): im having the same problem but she likes another guy alot and nothing has happaned with them and probably will never happan
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): i appreciate all your help to as i am also in this situation
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): just tell her how you feel and if she says 'no' then just go on with the conversation like nothin ever happened.she'll respect u mor if u dont tak it 2 hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2006): say you saw somthing she might like to see/do. would she like to come? Make it sound like you were going anyway. The good thing is she might think of it as a date, or just hanging out.
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reader, cw +, writes (24 January 2006):
cw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanna thank all of u for the advice u've given me! It's helped soo much! We're like even more rely good friends now, and we're closer 2gether than we were b4! She knows im in love with her n she ses wen shes redy in thw future im the first person she wud like to start a relationship with, so i'm rely happy! thnx guys!
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reader, Ana183 +, writes (10 January 2006):
 I can relate to this problem, as that was kinda how me and my boyfriend got together. We were best friends for around 4 years, and I was in love with him and he was in love with me but we didnt say anything. Around 6 month ago, i started with anxiety problems, and he came around to my house and we managed to go for a walk. That night he leant in and kissed me and revealed how long he had feelings for me. the feeling was meutual and we had the best 6 month anyone could ever have! If i was you, i would sit her down and ask her if she feels the same, and if so, you would be the perfect couple!
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reader, Tinkz  +, writes (27 December 2005):
 Angel
It doesn't have to ruin the friendship if you don't allow it.
I started dating one of my friends, we dated for 2 years and I loved him more than anything, but when i broke it off we remained friends, infact he is my best friend at the moment.
You see when you start dating you learn more things about that person that you never knew before and that creates a bond between the 2 of you, that only the 2 of you can break.
If you really care fo each other then you should believe that your friendship can get you through anything!
Trust me, I know!
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 December 2005):
 Let's put this thing into another context for you, to try to make the idea of asking a friend out less overwhelming.
Say there was another bloke in your maths class who was new to the school. He's friendly to everyone and seems to have a great sense of humour. You also notice that he has a similar taste in sport and music as you. You think that he might be a cool guy to have as a friend.
But... oh my god!... What if you ask him to join you for lunch one day? What if he can't because he has football practice? If he knocks you back, your life will be over because of the rejection and sheer humiliation! You'll die of embarrassment. Furthermore, what if he turns into a complete, unrecognisable ogre, who not only laughs at your invitation, but becomes a totally different person from the one you thought you knew and liked? What if he spreads sniping rumours around the school about you, suggesting that you liked him and wanted to be his friend? Why, all your friends would turn against you, and you'd be a laughing stock...
...or is this scenario unbelievably, ridiculously unlikely? It is unlikely, don't you think?
So, why would getting to know someone be different just because the person you like is a girl, rather than a guy?
Being friends with someone you like is a great start for dating, actually, because you have common ground already. So, ask her to go someplace with you (or better yet, you and some other friends), so that you can see each other in ways that might be more than "just" friends.
If it doesn't work out, or if you discover that you don't work out as boyfriend-girlfriend, you part romantic ways amicably and go back to being friends. Why would *not* dating "ruin" your friendship? It won't, if you continue to treat each other in a friendly, respectful manner. Not all breakups have to be acrimonious, you know!
If you ask her out, make it something simple that she can accept or decline graciously. Something like a movie, or lunch, or a coffee. That way, if she's really NOT interested in you as boyfriend material, it's much easier on you both. (Think about it from her perspective too. How hard would it be to say "no thanks" to somebody you like and whose feelings you don't want to hurt?)
She'll either say "That sounds like fun. I'd love to!" or "Oh, I'm not really interested in being more than friends with you. But thanks so much for asking." Either way, does that sound like you'd lose her as a friend? The only way that would happen is if you stop treating her as a friend.
Remember, girls aren't another species. We're just like you. Treat her with the same courtesy that you'd want if roles were reversed, and you'll never lose her as a friend, just because you wanted to get to know her better.
Have fun.
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