A
female
age
36-40,
*ollyShot
writes:I've been VERY close with my guy friend for about 5 months(we seen each other EVERY DAY and never tire!). We've talked about dating, or fooling around at least, but when the kiss that I expected NEVER came, I called him on it. (I've tried once before, and he backed away)He says I'm his best friend, but he SAYS he's ATTRACTED to me, that he loves me, that I'm the prettiest girl's he's ever known, that every thing's so simple with me, etc...but he also has a different excuse every time I bring up "us."I know that he's a "ladies' man" and that he doesn't intend on giving up this lifestyle anytime soon. He KNOWS that I'm ok with that because I've told him that I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, either.If he's so attracted to me, why is it that I'M the only girl he wants nothing to do with physically?!?! Is it possible that he's actually scared of falling in love, that he would get jealous of me with other guys, or is it that's he lying about being attracted to me to use me....for friendship?I'm very confused and hurt. I would really just like to understand his point of view and it's driving me nuts because I can't!! Please help!!
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female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (10 January 2008):
I'm glad advice from everyone helped :) would you mail me and let me know how it goes? xxxx
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (9 January 2008):
It's either the dude isn't really into sleeping with you because he sees you as a friend only OR he's in love with you but wants to take things slowly but is worried at how fast you want things to move.Baby girl maybe you are coming onto him too strong and it usually freaks out a guy who naturally likes you.You've already mentioned the fact that you've been close but don't be quick to expect things to mature into an affair.Give him time.I'm sure he's doing a self-audit.If it's meant to be,he'll surely give in.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Well, it could be three things..
1-He is NOT really a ladies man, and might be gay, or a sex abuse victim, and sex for him is not a pleasant experience.
2-He is a player, and when a player finds a nice girl, he does not want to ruin her by being with her. You SAY that you are OK with him being with other women, but we know better. Every girl at some point wants more commitment than we can offer, and we tend to stay away from those that would become bitter from being hurt from getting too attached.
3-He likes you as a friend, and wants to maintain the friendship, and not losing that security of a friend, which makes him a pretty weak player. He is using you as his "mommy".
I can tell you from experience, and the last 10 years of my life as an author/teacher in seduction. When a player finds the one he wants to be with, he wastes no time.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, DollyShot +, writes (9 January 2008):
DollyShot is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone so much for their support and advice, especially Blooregard!!
What bothered me most about this situation is not that I was rejected, but that I couldn't understand his point of view. Thanks so much for making what very well may be his actual intentions a little clearer.
For now, I'll just separate myself from him until my romantic feelings dwindle and try to keep being his good friend. I hope I'll be able to deal if/when he actually gets some sort of girlfriend, but I'll try to remember to breathe, and that regardless of what happens, I'll always have a great friend who understands and loves me. THANKS!! :-D
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 hmmm.
If hes your best friend I think hes scared of treating you as he treats other women, except it would hurt to loose you and therefore he doesn't want to use or hurt you.
I suggest you be there for him as a friend no matter one, one day he may want to chance that lifestyle and get into a serious relationship and when he does, I bet the one he wants will be you hun. Just give him time, You said your not ready for a serious relationship so when you are, he might be, so give it time, be his friend and make sure he knows your there =]
x
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (8 January 2008):
 Could it be that if it goes wrong, he would lose a girl he really cares for.
You dont think that him having a casual relationship with you would be a problem, but maybe he does.
If its meant to be it will happen. My advice would be not to push and force it on him. Let it happen, if it's going too naturally.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Nick838 +, writes (8 January 2008):
I hope I've got it right here. Either he doesn't want to loos your trust by getting too physical, or he is just a ladies man. I can't offer much help here, but I did want to offer the possability of him being afraid to loos you. I hope you figure it out soon. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (8 January 2008):
I can understand your confusion, you say he is a ladies man and yet he does not want to get close to you in that way!
I get the feeling that you are possibly one of the only women he respects as more than a "fling" he also does intend giving up his lifestyle anytime soon. This leads me to believe that if he ever did get with you, it could only be to settle down and not be casual, and he hasn't matured enough to want to settle!
My advice would be to give him time and be his friend, there is no time limit and it would be better for it to happen when you are both ready rather than to rush into a relationship that would end in heartache.
Very best of luck
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