A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I have been wondering lately whether my boyfriend is truly over his ex. She cheated on him several times and they had a bad break up. they were together for five years and we got together less than a year after they split up. she messed him up pretty badly.im struggling to explain what im trying to ask but basically if he was truly over his ex and I was really 'the one' wouldn't he be able to let go and forgive his ex? any input will be appreciated and I would love to hear from people who have experienced the same as what my bf didthanks
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his ex, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, loraemoon  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 honestly...some people can not forgive and forget when they have been hurt by someone they loved or cared bout,
A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend was with his ex for two years on-and-off. She manipulated him, cheated on him, blackmailed him, lied to him, etc. She was a terrible person.
We got together nearly a year after they had broken up for good, but he had been chasing me for about three months. He claims that he knew he would fall in the love with me the moment he met me, and we said "I love you" only a week after starting dating. We truly meant it.
However, during the first seven or eight months, and even into a year of our relationship, he mentioned his ex very frequently. He would just relay stories (bad ones) and would compare me to her in a way that made me seem like an angel. It bothered me, though. It made me wonder, "if he's truly over her, why is she still on his mind, and why is he still so angry?" I'm still struggling with this, and we've been together for a year and a half and we're living together and about to move to Florida together. His entire family asks us when we're going to be getting married, and we talk about it often. We know we're meant for each other, and we know that we're the only "true love" each other has felt. But, the memory, or lack thereof in my case, is killing me. I hope you can get past this. Please don't let it consume you. It really is the worst feeling in the world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I agree with CaringGuy completely. The way someone made you feel can outlast any feelings you ever had for them. I speak from experience. My ex boyfriend was getting around the block and when I found out, I was devastated but found comfort in a new relationship (with my current fiance). I can tell you that I got over my ex relatively quick, just not over what he did to me. So for a while in my new relationship I had my guard up & had trouble wondering if this new guy could end up being as horrendous as the last. Thankfully, for me, he was & still isn't. I think you're fine, sweetheart. If your boyfriend says you're "the one" and you feel it too, I bet good things are in store for you. Just try to put yourself in his shoes. Good luck hon!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
I think you'll find that he's over her. I think you'll find he's not over being hurt. They are two different things. you can be over a person, but that doesn't mean you're over that person's actions. Your boyfriend is over her, but he's not over the fact that someone he loved could treat him that way. As long as he lives, chances are he won't forgive her for hurting him. You're looking far too much into his actions. I am 100% certain that if she tried to get back with him, he's sweep her aside for you. He really would. Being over someone and being over someone's actions are two very different things. Let's say your boyfriend broke something that was important to you. Chances are you'd forgive him. But you'd never forget the item that was broken. See what I mean? Two different things. You don't have to forgive an ex to love someone else.
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