A
female
age
41-50,
*ndie720
writes: Hi, I'm really new to this site, hopefully you guys can help me with some good advice. I have been with the same man for almost 5 years now and we have a child together who is 4. When I first got with him I was so happy, I fell in love rather quickly. He was great to me, made me feel beautiful and smart. After about the first year seems like things changed a little, he wasn"t paying as much attention to me and I may not have been paying as much to him. We had a baby so most of the attention was on him. But, I still loved and cherished him. and thought maybe we were just getting comfortable with each other. The next couple years we had lots of ups and downs. Financially, emotionally, physically(healthwise). Tried to work through everything, but it seems like everything kept changing. The past little bit, I'm questioning myself if I still love him at all. I have tried to talk to him about things and he says that he isn't happy either but still loves me. But, lately he has started asking me about where i go and what im doing, and accuses me of being sneaky, i'm not even sure what that means, unless he thinks i'm cheating, which i am not. My question is is it possible that i have fallen out of love with him, and that if he is unhappy with me, why doesnt he leave. I have mentioned that I thought maybe we should seperate. He gets angry and talks to me like a dog. What should i do. Should I leave or should I stay.
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female
reader, Ginger fish  +, writes (23 December 2014):
 If you choose to leave please seek legal advice as you have a right to your home just as much as he does. You also have the right to be treated with respect. Please don't second guess or doubt your decisions or wishes as it will only Make it harder on you and you really don't need that. Judging by your post I think you have your mind made up. Having your child grow up in an environment where his mother gets verbally abused by his lfather is only going to cause harm, he will grow up believing that its completely normal. If you make the first move and leave, you might find that you it draws you two closer. As the saying goes "absense makes the heart grow fonder" it might just make him realize what he has pushed away.
A
female
reader, Andie720 +, writes (2 November 2014):
Andie720 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the advice. We did go through relationship couseling for a while, we stopped going because he couldnt get the time off work. I don't think it was helping much. We have had a big arguement since i posted this and it was so very hurtful to me. I've never been talked to that way in my life and I don't know if i can forgive it or let alone forget it. He tends to do that a lot, blow up and then act as if nothing hs happened. I have asked for time apart. He says he wont leave, (we own a home together). So, I guess its up to me to find a place to live. I hope im not making a mistake, but my head and heart both say its time to move on.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 He's obviously not going to make the first move,ergo you must do what is right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): Dear I know that too I've been there before it is truly hurting so much.... but the only thing I can advance u with is to follow your heart and feeling but if u are not happy then u must leave so that u can find happiness again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): it sounds like he could be feeling the same as you and doesnt know how to manage / cope / deal with the situation i think u shud both talk about ur feelings with each other i know its easier said than done but if there is ne bit of a spark left and it sounds like there cud be its worth having a night/evening talking about how u both feel (ask family or friend to babysit even just for a couple of hours to give u both a break) dont look on the negative side of things no matter what people say turn a negative to a positive there is always a way good luck to u both
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 November 2014):
 Sounds like YOU need to decide if you WANT to continue as the relationship stands OR walk away. BEcause you have TRIED to fix it, you have TRIED to talk and no dice.
You ask why he doesn't just leave? Because as things are he has a maid, housekeeper and nanny in the house, plus he gets to see his son every day. If he leaves, he will have to pay Child maintenance and NOT see his child every day + .... pick up after himself and let's not forget he will have no one to verbally abuse.
Personally, I'd ask him to leave. Maybe a little time apart will clear both your heads to see what you really want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): Have you two considered relationship counseling? It sounds like the relationship is salvageable, if that's what you both want. He says he still loves you, and you're not saying you have definitely fallen out of love with him, you're ambivalent.
Sometimes a mediator can assist couples in resolving conflict and resentment, and overall, bring clarity. Once issues are addressed, and hopefully resolved, a couple can turn a not so happy relationship into a happy relationship.
Best of Luck
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