A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Any man out here waited for their woman who did not want to have premarital sex and married her? And how are you doing in the marriage. Or do you know of anyone who this worked for?I am recently single two years ago and made a vow to the Lord that I will like to walk the right path and not give my body the holy temple to any man until he has given and ordained my soulmate and future husband.I have stuck to this for two years and have not thought twice to change my mind. I met a nice man 6 months ago and told him I was waiting for marriage. He didn't hesitate until three days later and began to woo me and promise me marriage and that I have nothing to worry about. He told me we were going to marry next year that he feels it in his heart. I gave it time and as time went on I thought I can bend my vow and go for it. So we have been flirting heavily. I have even danced naked for him on skype to satisfy his urges because I know he is not cheating on me.But everytime I do this, I feel terrible. I guess because the new me is on a journey of respecting my body for the Lord. Then the spirit began to torture my mind so much that I have now realized that that covenant does meant something and I am not going to disobey God. I am going to put my foot down. No more naked skpye videos or sex before marriage.I am expecting a visit from this very nice man in the next two weeks and I just told him three days ago that I will not be having sex with him until marriage. He didn't really say much almost like he is calling my bluff and thinking I'm not serious. Also he is changing towards me. I am not sure of what to make of this reaction but this man has been working out lol waiting to make love to me on this 11/2 months trip and will not be getting none.I have made up my mind that my body is not to be compromised for someone else's love and will not mind losing this guy.Do you think I'm crazy? In this world were nice guys are hard to find, am i making a wrong decision?Also this for men who went through this. What made you wait for a woman who had this type of values? Was it worth the wait? Was it how she said it or you just happened to be walking that same line of faith?Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all especially the guys that pitched in. I used to be a sexual girl but not promiscuous meaning when I was with you I'm monogamous and please my partner well. Not untill I started practicing abstinence that I realize sex is overrated and I really don't miss it. And this is coming from someone who had a really high drive. So like olderthandirt said maybe I'll join the club of sexless marriage after marriage who knows.I can see where anonymous is coming from. There are many promiscuous women doing it to make up for bad heartbreaks. I'll say run from those because their theory will lead to another bad breakup because they've not learnt their lessons. I was in that boat too. I initially abstained from sex because I was disgusted at giving my body to men even when I wasn't ready but did it to satisfy them but lost my respect for the sake of love. So I totally just lost interest but at the time was willing to date but take my time before sex. It just never got to that point because the real identity of those men showed during the wait so no relationship continued.Later on I got reborn and faith in the Lord began to increase and it wasn't until then that I decided I was going to be obedient and go all the way without until marriage. So it was inevitable that part of my man criteria was to have a born again or a believer.Well, I can't have it all I guess. I'm with a man and planning to settle down with him but he's not on the same page. Tough luck for me because unlike other guys he's hanging in there. Others ran away. I can't just leave because of that one aspect of our lives. Other things will determine if I'll stay or go because ultimately he can't have my body unless I give it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): I would be willing to wait for someone who has made waiting their long term policy. But I run out of patience pretty fast with women who have a history of promiscuity and then decide to withhold from future guys to make up for it. Sorry, not my problem.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 We waited but did experiment with very heavy peting. Waiting back in the day was "easy' If you didn't want a child before the wedding, you waited. Now days the are way too many ways to proceed without the problems from a mishap. We're doing great, just had the big 50th. It's very dificult to deny sex for so long, but once married we went at it like rabbits for a year or two then we joined the legions of sexless relationships out there due to warped hormone leves or whatever the rationale is that women tend todream up. My friends and i are just convinced that women don't enjoy ex as much as men do.
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A
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 I think the long distance makes it hard. How do you expect a man to spend on on a month's lodging plus money on dates, if you won't allow him to stay over because there is no sex? How many times can he afford this in a year in order to get to know you as long term material? I am afraid he's only promising you a marriage to make you trust him enough to open up. If you want this thing to work you need to find a local guy you can meet often. Even if a guy promises to wait until marriage it does not automatically mean he is a good guy and you will be happy together. Sexual chastity is highly valued but don't forget you need other elements to make a relationship work.
The thing that makes it worth the wait is how much you complement each other and the emotional connection that you build. The times you spent together consistently, also gives you faith that it would last forever. It is important that your search for a guy is not solely based on the fact that he would wait.
I am guessing you are a born again virgin. For me, I would suspect that a person who wants to wait does so for the reason that it means success of a relationship. It's as if, if you wait, then the relationship would be good. Not necessarily. There are lots of people who are not religious, not waiters, and their relationships are good. So if you are waiting because your past relationships are bad and you are hoping religion would safe guard issues in your relationship. It could, but it all depends on who you are with. Religion can be a tool for self improvement, it can be a guidance but you have to remember that evil people also quote the bible and call themselves Christians. So it is up to your discretion who you are meeting. Just promising marriage and saying he would wait does not make him a good man. You need to spend time together in real life. There are many inspiring lines in the Bible but it won't tell you details about the man you are dating. It won't tell you if the guy is lying. That's your job and your responsibility to know him well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did a really bad thing but I have asked for forgiveness. I don't think it's too late to stick to my belief. I've let him know now so he needs to cancel his trip. How do I break up with him? I did not respect myself enough after persuasion. That's my fault and I was wrong.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 October 2014):
 I came from a really religious background as well and I can tell you that dancing naked on Skype was a really bad thing to do. You can't be taken seriously about waiting until marriage while giving a strip tease, AND if he was the type of guy to pressure you into it, he doesn't respect you or your view on sex. You need to break up with him before you meet him, or you will be having sex with him before he leaves.
You need a guy who is more adamant about sexual chastity than you are, and you can find him at church functions. This guy wants sex before marriage, and he *will* get it from you if you felt the need to dance naked in front of him, which, to be honest, you might as well have just had sex with him if you could rationalize that sort of thing. According to the Bible, you caused him to "commit adultery in his heart", so you need to re-think your own walk of faith.
The guy you're with isn't compatible with you in the area of sex. One of you will change your beliefs, and you've already done it. So stay, or go? If you stay, you'll be sexual with him. If you don't, you will need to find a guy who not only will respect your stand, but who is adamant on that being HIS stand as well. Your guy isn't adamant, and he is fine becoming sexual, which should be a dealbreaker.
I've been married for 16 years. My husband was very adamant about waiting until marriage, and I respected it. We barely left the hotel room for the entire week and a half of our honeymoon. I don't regret it and neither did he. It was difficult to be sure!
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