A
female
age
30-35,
*ey0nbeauty
writes:okay so ive been with my boyfriend for a year so far and were very sexually active.on a regular basis we have sex about 3-5 times a week.and were open enough to talk about our fantasies in life n stuff, but i believe theres a HUGE problem.ive asked my boyfriend before about having a three-some. and he only agrees with one, if it was with another girl. but if when i asked him if he would do it with another guy he demandingly says NO!!.i mean seriously if he cant see us having a three-some with a guy then he shouldnt be able to see us having one with a female.. cuz if doin it with another guy makes him feel like he has to share me, then what does he think about doing it with another girl. i mean.. he should see it in my point of view too right.. i would have to be sharing him with another female.so my question is why is that he can have a threesome with another female but not with a nother male for me?any help would be appreciated?. please and thank you.
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female
reader, bey0nbeauty +, writes (23 June 2010):
bey0nbeauty is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you everyone for ur advice.
but honestly i see as if my boyfriend has no appreciation of my wants. like he would be upset if we were to have MMF threesome only cuz he doesnt wana see me with another male, but the point im trying to make is that if we had a FFM threesome, shouldnt he have some consideration about the fact that i wouldnt wana see him with another female either, but im allowing it to go both ways because i wana please him in a way i never have. and hoping he can do the same for me.
but thnks everyone for ur advice its greatly appreciated.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 June 2010):
Straight up, throw the idea of the threesome out the door. Right now. Don't even go through with it. I can just tell from this post that this will end up with you two splitting. He wants his way, but won't give you yours, so you won't let him have his way. Fair enough. But it really highlights that neither of you can cope with this threesome idea.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 You shouldn't agree to or be pressured into anything that you don't think is fun and safe. Simple.
However in defence of your boyfriend, for most men there is an absolutely fundamental difference between MFF and MMF threesomes. I've had quite a number of threesomes with various girls but I could not ever see myself having one involving another man. In the culture that I live in close physical contact between girls is common. It is normal to see girls walking down the street hand in hand and very standard for girls to sleep in the same bed (no one in China has a spare bedroom). There are just nothing like the same taboos about physical intimacy between women as there are about intimacy between men.
I have to say also that from my perspective as a man a MMF threesome seems much more likely to objectify a woman i.e. see her used as a object than a MFF threesome. If I were to think of a MMF threesome I'm thinking of fairly violent, rough sex whereas MFF can be fun and gentle and tender.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): first why do you want a 3some with another guy. if I was your bf I would be very disappointed and probably leave you. If you really want one then I suggest you pick a pair of friends of complete strangers from a bar or a dance club on a one night stand basis to fullfil your fantasy with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): I'm probably not the best judge as I don't agree with a threesome I think it takes away the intimacy involved in a one to one relationship however in your situation, being objective, he is being selfish. He wants it all his own way. Its 'safer' for him emotionally if he has two women because he knows he will be challenged by another man - he fears you will enjoy yourself more with another man and it is competition for him. ultimately he is just caring about his own feelings. This is what I mean about the dangers of a threesome - you start to uncover other feelings in a relationship that you may not like. You are right to demand that you are not going to agree with it unless its on your terms. Don't let him dupe you either into doing the MFF version first because all that will happen is he goes off the idea of MMF and you will have just fulfilled his fantasy and be left with some pretty bad feelings. Be very careful. Your relationship sounds like it is being tested by this - is that what you want or need???
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Short answer - you should not.
You've made all the arguments yourself, y'know. Just present it to him in the same way and make it clear that you don't intend to go through with a threesome unless you two have reached some common ground.
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