A
female
age
,
*wiggy63
writes:can we survive this....Trying to keep this brief,in 2008 i started dating a man i had known then for 15yrs,we had 3 very happy years together then in Jan 2011 he moved into my home....he tried to take over,change everythig i had done in the 9 yrs i had lived there with my 3 kids,only one now remains at home..i started to wonder if i had made the right move living together,but we tried to get along,once he realised i wasnt ready to change the home he tried to be possesive over me and i then asked him to move back out as love him but cant be owned by him,he was being possesive over my own space and time....he moved out in november and stayed elsewhere,we have met up got on,slept together occasionally and tried to work throught things only to end up falling out again..he now has a rented house and we are now apart but he comes for things to take to his own place and we both end up tearful,we both still love one another but i ased him to go for some counselling to do wiht his childhood upbringing in boarding schools etc and how he is to do wiht our relationship as im sure these days havent help his adult life...he goes on about values and scales etc and has been manipulating me at times when he knows he the one in the wrong!! i dont know what to do for the best,i try to not contact him and then he texts me,he asked me to mee thim recently on what would have been our 4th anniversary together jan 11th and i was so low i never went but i told him i would not be there he then ended it with me,he has been in touch all week on off just everyday things but then did send me a verse aboout love etc and why we cry still.....im confused.com right now,if he went for counselling im sure we could get things back on track......please advise whats best to do,is it a no contact or will that not help....many thanks Twiggy x
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female
reader, twiggy63 +, writes (18 January 2012):
twiggy63 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou to you both for your advise,i have blamed myself for the situation ,yet hes the possesive one who was being possesive over my own space and time,will he ever change or go for help,who knows.....thanks again, twiggy
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): no even if he went for counseling you don't know that your relationship would get back on track. counseling is not a miracle pill, it requires that the person in counseling be willing to do some hard and at times uncomfortable work and sustain it over a long period of time. you're just using the counseling idea to avoid taking personal responsibility for your own life by telling yourself you'll for sure be ok if only someone else (a counselor) would fix him. No, you'll only be OK if you take responsibility for protecting and nurturing your emotional health by cutting off toxic and messed up people from your life.
you need to make a decision now and stick with it, and not let your course of action change with the tides. right now you're simply reacting to him and his latest words/actions, seeking immediate emotional relief, you're out of control and you know it which is why you feel a mess. if you're not emotionally strong enough to stick with a decision in the face of new 'events' on his part, then no contact at all, permanently, black and white no exceptions no matter how you feel about it, is the only way to go.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 January 2012):
The problem is, he needs the help. Not you. And he won't get the help he needs. Therefore, you're not able to be with him.
So in answer to your question, yes, no contact is best. Don't have anything to do with him. Ever.
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