A
female
age
30-35,
*abi123456789
writes:So I had this thing with this guy, I'm not really sure what to call it. The first day we met, we hit it off immediately and we were holding hands by the end of the night. He got my number and texted me and we hung out the next day with a group of people. We texted often and hung out and five days later we had our first kiss. After that we got together once a week to watch a movie and on the weekends, we hung out with a group of people but at the end of the night when everyone left, we would go back to his room and make out. After about two or three weeks the movies stopped, but we would still sit together in class twice a week, meet for lunch twice a week just us, and get dinner almost every night with a group of people. On the weekends we still did the same thing. We texted still, but they got less frequent and it was only a quick 'how are you' before we asked when to meet up to go to lunch or dinner. The weekend before we broke up, everything seemed normal, we did our thing and I stayed over on friday which i did sometimes. On saturday he told me he promised the guys he would hang out with them, but i saw him for a little bit although we didn't do much except a few kisses. Then monday came around and he didn't talk to me at all. I saw him in class on tuesday and after class i could tell something was wrong because he only gave me a quick kiss before he left, not the usual hug and long kiss. Wednesday came and we got lunch and he said he wanted to 'take a step back', but he still wanted to hang out because he liked spending time with me. So the next two weeks, everything seemed fine, we hung out like we normally did except we didn't make out at night. Two and a half weeks later, we got drunk on the weekend and ended up making out a lot and things got kind of intense. Saturday night we hung out and everything seemed fine. we went to review together sunday night, but then that week he barely texted me at all and we didn't get lunch at all. i talked to him on friday and asked him if things were okay between us and he said they were, it wasnt awkward so i thought things were fine. saturday i texted him asking when the group was heading to dinner and he didnt answer so i went with a friend and then a few minutes later he shows up with the group and when he comes to our table and made a point of nudging me in the arm to say hi. Then we hung out that night as a group and at one point, in private, my friend confronted him and asked if things were cool between him and i and he said they were and she told him that she knew i just wanted to be friends with him and he seemed relieved by that. After that, things that night seemed to go back to normal between him and i. he made someone move over so he could sit next to me on the couch and he made eye contact when he talked to me, which he had kind of avoided the night before. Then i saw him on monday and we talked a little and things seemed great. then wednesday i texted him good luck on a test and he didnt respond. He hasn't responded to my texts in a week, but when i see him in person he acts like everything is fine. i havent seen monday. I don't know what to do. my friend thinks he still has feelings for me, and doesnt know what to do because when we broke up, it was kind of sudden, almost like something happened that spooked him. I kind of want to talk to him and see how he feels but my friend told him that i want to be friends, which was true, but only because i thought that was what he wanted. if he still has feelings for me and wants to get back together, i want to get back together with him too, but if he only wants to be friends then i want to be friends. he is a really great person and i don't want to lose him as a friend. What should i do?? (Also, as a side note, we never had sex, only made out and dry humped, except the night we got drunk, our shirts came off and he took his pants off but i wouldnt let him take my pants off, so we just made out and groped each other)
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reader, Gabi123456789 +, writes (27 December 2014):
Gabi123456789 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo a little update. I saw him monday, and things seemed fine, then texted him wednesday saying good luck on a test and he didn't respond. He hadn't responded to any of my texts in a week, but that friday he actually texted me and told me that the group was planning on watching a movie. he had texted my friend and told her that too and at the time she and i were in the cafeteria. she texted him back and told him that she was in the cafeteria with me, and a few minutes later him and the rest of the group showed up. they just sat their and drank water and didn't eat so i asked why and the guy said that they had come to dinner earlier. so he still showed up to the cafeteria even though they didn't eat, but my friend had told him i was there with her. so we went back to to watch the movie and in the middle of the movie he left for a few minutes and when he came back i could tell something was different. i found out the next day that he had done some shots and was a little buzzed. so the movie ended and the whole group went to the cafeteria. we ended up sitting next to each other and then the group went back to his room, and we all did some shots. i was very slightly buzzed but it wore off quickly. we hung out and talked and at one point him and i were sitting next to each other on his couch and talking and he put his arm around me and told me i was the bestest because i was going to text him the next day to remind him about something. so some people left and i was sitting in his desk chair and the rest of us decided to watch a movie. so he went over to his desk and leaned over me, put one arm around each side of me to turn on his computer, and i asked if i was in the way and he said no and he moved and sat on the chair with me. when the movie started i sat on the couch and he sat on the floor because the couch was full, but he sat in front of me and moved my knees so he could lean against my legs. a few minutes into the movie, he started moving his hands up and down my calfs. a little while later someone left, so he moved onto the couch next to me. he turned and whispered something in my ear then nibbled my ear and stuck his tongue in it. every few minutes he would turn and nibble my ear and stick his tongue in it. then everyone else left and he laid across my lap, then leaned up and kissed me and laid back down. a minute later he leaned back up and kissed me again. next thing i know we are making out, and one thing lead to another and he ate me out and fingered me and i gave him a blowjob and a handjob. we got up off the couch when we were done and went onto his bed where we made out and groped some more then fell asleep in each others arms. throughout the night we would shift positions but we were always holding hands or had our arms around each other or something. we woke up made out and groped some more then fell back asleep and when we woke up again he was reserved. he got up got dressed and sat on his couch while i was still laying in his bed, without saying a word. so i got up and got dressed and sat next to him, and we talked for a few minutes then it was silent so i asked what he wanted and he said he didnt know, but he cares about me and doesnt want to keep dragging me along. i said i didn't know what i wanted either so he suggested we take a break for real this time, and since we were going on winter break for about a month, wait and start with a clean slate when we get back from break. i agreed and just hung out in his room talking for a couple of hours. when i left his room he gave me a long hug. i saw him monday at our final and we said bye without a kiss or hug or anything. so we are on break now and haven't talked since then. I don't know if he means that when we get back from break he doesn't want to get together anymore or he wants to see if he still has feelings after not seeing me for a month or what. i still have strong feelings for him and can't stop thinking about him and want to get back together with him. i'm just unsure of why he didn't want to get back together after the first drunk hookup. i could understand the second because we only had two days until break but still. do you think he wants to have some sort of committed relationship with me??
*(by the way, i have never gone that far with a guy before, the most i've done before him was make out so maybe that is why i have such strong feelings and can't stop thinking about him. he is always the first guy to tell me i have amazing curves, and hold the door for me, and do sweet things like kiss me on the forehead and cheek)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 December 2014):
 Not everyone is the same but he acted like he was rebounding from a previous break up and not knowing what he wants in life. Or someone who's scared of intense feelings and not want to get involved besides some odd moments of flirting and passion. In other words, he wants occasional sex with minimum effort put out by him. He knows very few girls would tolerate this that's why he distanced himself and said forget it. You may like him because he has good qualities that now he's not showing. You can't call it a break up because there is no relationship to speak of. It's a non progression to anything deeper. In a sense he's not much of a friend because he never showed his feelings and sentiments, or why he acted sporadically. You want to get back with him if he's being consistent with his efforts of getting to know you, otherwise being the way he is now, there is not much value he's adding to your life.
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