A
female
age
41-50,
*hanana
writes:I have been involved in a relationship for 17 months with the most amazing man. We talk daily, see each other minimum of once a week and I'm totally head over heals for him. Here's the issue, 3 moths ago I discovered he is married. He admitted to it. I decided after much communication that I would hang on a little longer, because he made promise of a divorce. He said they were no longer in love, they didn't have things in common, they have no children together and they weren't sleeping in the same room. Well, things have gotten a little messy. He went to the doc for his annual check up. It was discovered he has an STD. I do not. He told his wife now she is "thinking long and hard" about their relationship. If he truly wanted out wouldn't he use this as his out???
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): maybe he's seeing someone else besides you and his wife, and that's where he got the STD from...this man is deceitful and he is wrecking his wife's life, your life and possibly another mistress' life too. run far away from him.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (18 February 2011):
this man is a proven liar. You've been dating him for 17 months yet only 3 months ago did you find out he was married??
and it's not because he willingly decided to tell you (even though that too would be a big red flag if he waited 14 months to tell you he was married) but you "discovered" it and then he admitted to it. If you hadn't discovered it on your own, was he ever going to tell you?
I wouldn't believe what he's saying about how horrible his marriage is. Maybe there is some element of truth to it, but he lied to you for 14 months about being single when he wasn't. So how can you believe anything he says about his relationship with his wife. In fact how can you believe anything he says at all.
And you're right, he does have an out and he's not using it.
It's clear that he doesn't want to get divorced. He may not love his wife (you don't cheat on someone that you truly love). But he doesn't want to divorce her either. He wants to stay married to her but for his own personal selfish reasons whatever they are (financial, social, risk-aversion..)
is this the kind of man you want to be with??
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A
female
reader, B123  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 I take it he didn't get the STD from his wife or maybe he is trying to say to you that he caught an STD from her giving him another reason to divorce her?? For me this is a huge red flag. I know you are in love with him and holding out for him to divorce her..but how do you know that you are the only other woman he is seeing?? he is currently having an affair with you behind his wife's back even if you haven't slept together..its an emotional one. How can you trust he won't do that to you if you ever decide to marry him?? He might make you feel amazing but if you were his wife how would you feel? I think you need to think outside the box here. How do you know that you are the only other lady?? I would get out of this situation asap. He has been with you for nearly 1.5 years!!! and he still hasn't left her. Has he even shown you papers where he has filed for divorce??? has he separated from her and shown you proof? how can you trust this man?? he is already wronging his wife via you?? even if you are dying for him to leave the wife how can you know that he won't do that to you? just think about it. I would drop him and move on and if you ever get with him you might get his std if something goes wrong. You didn't say what it was but really you don't deserve that...GET OUT and save yourself a possible heartache. Upto you of course...but really I would RUNNNN.
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