A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,when a guy lets you meet his family is he serious about you? Is this guy serious about me or is he a player? we are both 23.When I first met him he was very sweet and said he hasn't been in a relationship since he was 17 and he has just had girls that were "friends".he said he does not know why he hasnt had another relationship even though girls have been intetested in him.when I asked why he hasn't been interested in these girls he switched the subject. Me and him have been spending alot of time together lately.We have great chemistry I feel like we talk to eachother about everything. I feel like he is interested in the real me. He is very attentive and always asking questions about my feelings, past relationships and what im looking for in a man.but when i ask him about his past relationships or what he wants he switch the conversation back to me. I recently had dinner with him and his family which was nice but it left me confused. At the end of the night he kissed me for the first time. since then he has been asking to spend more time with me.Still he hasn't mentioned being exclusive with me though. he mentioned he likes to party with his guy friends alot since he has been single.the fact he has only had girl "friends" for the past few years has me worried that he is just a player. What do you think?
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female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (7 May 2014):
Ask him soon, when you feel comfortable, whether you should both consider your selves exclusive to each other. It isn't just his decision. Certainly before sex. The signs are all good as far as I can see. How nice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): He sounds normal enough, OP. Where do you get the idea that he's a player from?
Not having had a relationship in 6 years doesn't mean that. Partying with friends doesn't mean he's using women for sex. Having female friends he may or may not have slept with doesn't mean he's played them. And meeting family also does not mean he's not one, meeting family pretty much means nothing.
Just keep taking things slowly, keep getting to know him and hold off on sex until you've gained enough trust in him that you're sure he's not just using you.
You're jumping to conclusions based on nothing. Just take your time and hold off on sex for a while. A player will not want to wait long at all and will show themselves to be one if made to wait.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2014):
I'd wait with sex til you ARE exclusive (IF that is what you are looking for). And you DO know YOU can ask about being exclusive - it's not the guys job to bring that up - I would however wait til you have been dating (no sex) for a good 3-4 months before talking about it. Because at that point you "should" know if you both want to pursue a relationship with each other or not.
Meeting the family USED to mean something serious, nowadays I'm not so sure. It comes down to the guy. He might bring girls (who are friends only) home for dinner, it might be no big deal. Since he ISN'T your BF yet, it might not mean anything deep.
He doesn't want to talk about his past relationships, maybe because he wants YOU to be the one talking - it's a nice trait in a guy that he WANTS to listen to you. It can be that he isn't a guy who dwells on the past relationships OR he isn't ready to SHARE too much yet.
Personally, I think talking about past relationship should be a short and to the point conversation, not long essays about past partners and what they did/thought/said. It's the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): First thought that popped into my head was that he could be gay. Anyone else think that? Doesn't sound like a player necessarily but I would be confused about the fact that he won't answer questions about himself in respect to what you've asked him...
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