A
female
age
,
*crambled brain
writes:Re update on text cheating husband. Thanks for all the constructive comments but nobody answered the actual question I posed..... If my husband loved me as much as I'm sure he did (and still does) and was so full of regret, do you think it is likely or unlikely that he would still want flirting/sexy phonecalls and texts with her. If we were having fantastic sex (and still are), would he have contemplated having sex with her or maybe actually did for all I know!!? Do you really think his claim that the secret phone was just for business and general chat and that they were just still friends is feasible or another load of deceit? I remember a post on here a while ago and one answer said that people who are in love and being completely satisfied by their partner have no need to and would not want to cheat. I am tormenting myself about what happened in those 8 months of further secrecy and would so appreciate opinions on what you think might have happened or not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): hi scrambled
Its me. although i really empathise with you so greatly, please listen to me, you have suffered enough already and everyday it eats at you and destroys a part of you. this compulsion. this obsession needs to end. or else it will DESTROY you until there is no good left in you. you need to let go, babes. you need to heal and you need to move on. easier said than done but it needs to come to some sort of end. you need to make peace with what he has done. do not forget but merely accept and heal.
i believe that your husband is still a manipulative sod, who had his affair, at your cost (your sanity). he is a compulsive lair (the professional sod). BUT YOU LOVE HIM and you need to make peace with what has happened. you have decided to stay in thi mariage, nor for good and bad, so what other choices do you have?
i know you like perfection, but in this imperfect world we all have to make peace with our lot in life. please for the last time i implore you, seek professional counseeling. help heal your self. i am not worried about your professional liar, i am only concerned with you and your tormoil.
make peace with your lot and please move on..........slowly
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 I have to say I have a great deal of empathy for you. I have seen your posts several times and I feel that you are agonizing over this incident in the past.
If your husband has regretted hurting you, and cheating on you and your sex life appears to be gratifying, I think he is less likely to flirt with another woman.
Let me make a suggestion for you. This is so terribly painful for you, I know. But if you try hard enough, just try and spend as much time with your husband as possible. Don't be too clingy. Just be affectionate with him. Let him flirt with YOU and I can assure you, he will have no reason to look anywhere else.
It seems to me that you are very deeply connected with him. And I sense he not only loves you but regrets ever doing this much harm to you. That tells me something right there.
Try and forgive him, and forget the flirting. If he is there for you now, that speaks volumes right there. He chose you, not some other woman. You should be proud of that. It means he truly cares and wants you to be happy.
Honor your own happiness and put the flirting thing away. You want your husband to be attracted to you and no one else. If you're happy inside, he has no reason whatsoever to even think about straying.
I'd even go as far as saying when he looks at you, he sees a lot more in you than you see in yourself. Maybe focus on rediscovering yourself a little bit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Whom ever answered that post about cheating made it seem like it is the spouse's fault. It never is. Cheating is a choice, it is about the cheater not the one cheated upon.So get that one thought out of your head.Does it indicate there are problems in the marriage, well, duh, yes. It means that honesty and trust are being broken.Please do consult a therapist to help you process all of your angst over this and to help you make a decision as to how to move on or if you need to end your marriage.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2009):
 I think you are making yourself crazy about all these "what ifs". You really need to get some real help, Honey. Our speculations and guesses are not going to help you. Please consider setting up an appointment with a qualified therapist. We obviously are not helping you. And you are right you ARE tormenting yourself.
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