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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: The guy I was just dating for about 4 months told me sunday that he doesn't feel good about us because i might be leaving for grad school out of state in three years and he doesn't want to fall in love with me just for me to leave. i told him i might not be leaving, and how i might stay and do another type of grad school that is in state or no grad school at all. he also said he feels like i am too good for him because he is always putting his hands all over me and i think we should slow down. we are both christians and he agrees that we should take it slow too. so, if he really likes me would he really let me go? i am so confused because in one sentence he said he is feeling really bad about us and how he doesn't think we have an emotional connection, but in the other he is saying how he thinks he really likes me and just doesn't know how to deal with those feelings. he also said we could live off of our incomes now and make it just fine if i never went back to school and we got married. so which is it? when we are together he is all over me, and i know he likes me as more than friends and that we have a connection. he even said he couldn't just be friends with me. so, what is the problem? why is he freaking out? and what am i supposed to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Sorry, three years is a long time away. It would be different if it were three months away. He has nothing to fear about falling in love with you and then having you up and move away. There's some logical fallacies in there.
He contradicts himself when he talks about his feelings for you. He acts like three years is three months. He has his hands all over you when you're together, but then changes his mind about whether you two could be in a relationship.
It sounds like he's holding out for something more -- something like sex. I might be over-reaching here, but there is something else under the surface he isn't talking about.
I say go on with your life and let him figure out his stuff. If he can't get over the fact that you MIGHT be going to school in THREE YEARS, then he isn't really worth you time since he's obviously afraid of commitment.
Absolutely do not change your study plans because of this man. Your future career will never roll over in bed one day and say, "I don't love you anymore." Think about it and think about what is more worth your time and energy.
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