A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I just turned 30 and am very attracted to a man who is 46. I am in the US from a different country originally and am still closeted. This guy knows that I like him and we spend all our time together - we laugh, joke and discuss history and culture. He encourages me professionally and personally but there is no effort to ask me out. Every time I avoid him or don't speak to him for a few days, he appears to be really upset. However, he did forget my birthday which really hurt me because I got him tiffany cuff links for his bday (I did not want a gift but a mere acknowledgment would have been nice). Now, I have been talking to him and he says he has made peace with the fact that he will be alone. My question is that would be rather die alone than be with me? Is this a fair conclusion. This is really affecting my well being and in a sense my ego. I have great credentials, earn a good amount and am generally smart, I dont know whether the fact that I am foreign holds me back. I also dont get it if he is not interested in me, why does he make such efforts for me. Every time I try to leave him, he tries to get back with a grand gesture. Should I just quit contact cold turkey? I dont think he intends to be playing mind games but this is really affecting my mental health and peace. Any insights would be much appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Nah.. I think that friend of yours likes you. Men vary on how they show affection to others, especially to those whom they love. Some, try to go and buy the world, while there are some who shy away. When he said, he made peace of living in solidarity, I don't think he meant that, and most probably meant the other way around. He could be implying to have you be with him. He could be just kidding, waiting what kind of response would you get after he'd said that. You could have laughed it up with him though, you know what I mean. He could have waited for you to say like, 'Don't worry old man, I'll be here for you' and the likes. For me he seems very affectionate, but I bet you know that.He likes you, I think he does. And I believe, he enjoys your company as much as you enjoy his. So don't leave that guy. Stay. Stay if now as his lover, even as his best friend. Who could ask for more than to be with who we love under any circumstance? He maybe playing mind games, he might be playing beating round the bush, take note, two can play that game. So go along with him, don't take it too seriously, and keep holding on. Who knows, one of these days he's gonna ask you out to someplace special. Let's just have our fingers crossed for now. ^.^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Has he ever told you he's not interested? He could be interested but may be too shy or nervous to make a move and ask you out. It might be a good idea to ask him out, that way you will get an answer and besides, he already knows you like him so you're simply giving him the choice to be a little more than friends or just stick as friends.
I hope this helped you. Good luck with whatever you chose to do.
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